I was lucky enough to receive this surprise delight in the envelope that holds my tips from the lovely servers. It makes me happy that they know me well enough to realize that I needed that Boner Dollar to survive.

Today was my first day off in six days. Boner Dollar has been the highlight of these last six days. Literally everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. My personal favorite moment was getting two entire bottles of champagne opened all over me by a man in a three thousand dollar suit. Frustration after frustration, incompetence begetting incompetence, it felt as though it would never get any better, and believe me, it only got worse until the final climactic ending of bullshit and Malbec, with one employee dissolving into tears. As my favorite co-worker and I stormed from the building, we nearly fell to our knees in thankful praise that our place of employment is closed Mondays and actually spat in the parking ramp, thus closing the worst week at work ever.

But that Boner Dollar... the embodiment of finding the joy in little things... the reminder of that silver lining that you sometimes have to search for... divine intervention brought me Boner Dollar to remind me that life is still silly and funny and awesome.

One Nation Under Boner Dollar.

I don't quite know what to do with this bit of information, so I figured this was the best place to share it.

      "In an interview with Twin Cities, the Minneapolis band Atmosphere talks about it's new album When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That S—- Gold. Apparently Tom Waits beatboxes on one of the songs:
      Slug (vocals): "'I'm friends with his son. We've known each other for quite a while now, going on five or six years. And I finally asked him, I think literally, 'Have I known you long enough now to ask if I can get in touch with your dad? Or is that offensive?' So, I sent him the song and asked if he'd sing the chorus. He sent it back and totally avoided the chorus, but instead beatboxed on it. And it sounds good. It worked. We kept it subtle. I didn't want to be exploitive. I wanted to make sure it made sense musically, and I think ultimately it really did.'"


WHAT??!!!

I sat down to blog today and came up speechless. I have no funny anecdotes, no ridiculous experiences, no awkward run-ins with old friends, clientele, or homeless people. I have nothing to say, and that's weird.

I've spent a lot of today reading through my blog from the beginning and was surprised at my own ability to make a fantastic post out of absolutely nothing or idiotic escapades. Examples here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and most specifically, here and here.

I am in a creative dry spell, I guess. Plenty of interesting things have happened recently, but they've come in the forms of anger, annoyance, or drama, as opposed to incredulity, amusement, or sheer ridiculousness.

I've had a really negative attitude the last few days, and it's starting to get to me. I don't want to sound dramatic, but I think the root of the majority of my attitude issues as of late have a lot to do with my cell phone not working. Keeping in touch with my friends solely over the internet and text messages that show up 36 hours late is isolating, to say the least. I'd like to call up my bff and wish her luck on Wednesday but I don't know if I'll be able to. I'd like to call Carissa and chat about Bret Michaels. I've been trying to connect with Pelowski for damn near two weeks and it just isn't working. The last time I talked with Ghey? Don't even know. Annoyance -- anger -- isolation -- loneliness. Lame, right? Yeah.

It's all okay, though. I go through this weird period of self-reflection and regrouping every year around this time. This one is manifesting itself with a short temper accompanied with bitterness and some yelling, which is weird and not at all Anniemosity, but I'll work it out. I'm going to Duluth soon, I may be getting a suh-weet second job, and I can name at least four god damn amazing people who are moving to my neck of the woods in a matter of weeks.

What a motherfucking downer of a post. Let's revisit something good?



And... just... well.......... because it's my blog and I can. (Fuller, I recommend that you watch these videos.)





(that is my lovely counterpart Alex screaming her face off in the beginning.)



Ohhhhhh yeah.

This is truly the highest form of narcissism. So sue me.

Holy shit, am I rusty with this HTML business. For real. It's been so long since I've changed it that I completely forgot a few key things. We're going back to basics for awhile: white and gray, with a touch of Erwin Wurm, my main dude. It's kind of unimpressive, but it's simple. I'm sure I'll be over it soon and change it in a 4am frenzy.

Out of two weeks of scheduled unemployment, I have just completed Day Four and I'm pretty much over it already. I've eaten sushi once and at the Diner twice, spent an hour and a half in a ditch, seen an amazing concert, gotten exceedingly frustrated with my cell phone provider, seen every episode of seasons one and three of "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia," and currently started on season four of "CSI." I am OVER UNEMPLOYMENT. I'm like a tiger in a cage.

I have yet to begin my post-psychotic somewhat-inspired art project that always comes with bouts like this. Luckily, I have it planned out already and was expecting to execute it today, but guess what? I woke up sick. WONDERFUL. All the more reason to sit on my ass and watch television shows about psychopaths (although two completely different kinds).

And you know what's not helping? Pop culture is thoroughly boring me. NOTHING exciting is happening. Am I growing out of it, or is it just really dull right now? I can't even distinguish the line between the two anymore. Say it ain't so! (I'm still reigning Queen of Bullshit Knowledge, however, as reinforced by a few ladies who barely know me.)

I'll tell you what I do like about this unemployment shit, though. I'm loving getting the opportunity to discover new television ("It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" -- best television-related thing that's happened to me in the last six months, for sure) and to plan some killer shoots and spend time with my unemployed rock star roommate and basically just...


...breathe.

Listen up and distinguish a theme.

Tom Waits - Take It With Me (Mule Variations)
Tom Waits - Blue Valentines (Blue Valentine)
Tom Waits - Another Man's Vine (Blood Money)
Tom Waits - Poor Edward (Alice)
Tom Waits - Ruby's Arms (Heartattack and Vine)

There is no theme. It's sad Tom Waits songs. Nice guess.

I'm going insane.


PS: For those who have been patiently waiting, my portfolio is going up in stages. Watch for it.