you know those ads? "stomp on the spider and win an ipod!" "knock out osama, get a free laptop!" "take our kissing quiz!" all the empty promises, only to dupe the unwitting to follow the link to a world full of spam, viruses, and the worst of what the internet holds.

i found the best one.




god that's awesome.

i had brunch today at pizza luce with two of my lovely roommates, and it got me thinking... i'm pretty sure that breakfast food is my favorite. the (chronological) top three best breakfasts i've ever had are as follows.

may 2003: norma's, new york city. for my graduation gift, my father took me to new york city. (awesome.) we went to norma's because he had heard that it was voted "best breakfast everrrrr" from some magazine he likes, so we decided to check it out... and was it everrrr. it started off with a bright green smoothie sample, which turned out to be the most delicious thing i could have expected from such a bizarre color. eggs benedict and half an order of brioche french toast later, i was happily full and completely ready to rave about this breakfast for the rest of my life.

june 2005: amazing grace cafe, duluth. (before i tell of the glory, i must say that i just freaked out a little linking to the website because the scroller reads "we are now serving breakfast each morning from 7am - 11:30 am." fuuuccckkkk yesssss.) dan "i'm fighting for duluth" sarles and i went out for a "business brunch" to the amazing grace (because we're snobby fucking hipsters who want to see and be seen). we both ordered the spinach/tomato/feta omelet and began to talk business-slash-bullshit until the food arrived. after the first bite, we immediately decided that there would be no talking -- just amazed moaning over the incredible food. (dan later decided that even the water tasted better at the AG.) a picture of dan's bliss was captured quite appropriately:




..and the damage done.





january 29, 2006: pizza luce, duluth. oh children, today (yesterday, i suppose) was amazing. marisa, megan & i arose at the really-fucking-early (i'm not kidding) hour of 11am and ventured out to pizza luce to give their brunch a go. it took us a good fifteen or twenty minutes to decide on our dishes because everything just sounded so unbelievable. after ordering, we sat in the lovely atmosphere (thanks to stel & lefty) and had lovely conversation. when my portabello eggs benedict and my vegan sausage patties arrived, i was famished. in hindsight, i should have savored every morsel of the mushroom/sun-dried tomato/egg/english muffin/hash brown combination, but i was so hungry and so amazed at the food that it was gone within a matter of minutes. while the vegan sausage patties did not make for great leftovers, the entire meal was so intensely good that it deserves to round out the top three.

there's really nothing better than a great breakfast. if you're looking for a way to my heart, it's definitely breakfast food. take note.


aside from that... i may have sprained my wrist, i have been graciously given four new tom waits albums, and i don't know how to talk to boys.

edit: okay, i really really don't know how to talk to boys. especially cute boys. especially when they're blatantly hitting on me. i should be teaching Awkward 1001.

BD stands for "big deal."

there are currently four things that are BDs.

one - megan. megan is a BD. she has recently returned to me (which the majority of you know), and i am ecstatic. our very own frenchie is back in the states, back in minnesota, back in duluth, back in my house, and, ladies and gentlemen, i could not be happier. my basement is no longer lonely, i have access to a second (and now european) set of clothing, and i have my very own personal makeup artist-slash-chef. megan is really a lovely girl. you should get to know her.

two - me. i am a BD. i know that's incredibly college-frat-boy of me to say, but it is oh so true. while i've been hesitating on announcing the news too soon, i can't bear to hold it in anymore (although in reality i've been bragging left & right about it). i am a bartender now. it's quite exciting, and while i'm still in training and won't be bartending on the weekends (yet?), it's really thrilling, and i'm loving every second of it. so yes, i'm "kind of a big deal." (i feel like my IQ and my maturity level both plummeted after saying that.)

three - these two songs. these are BDs. the first is "who did you think i was" by john mayer's new trio. while i was not a big fan of john mayer's pop career, this trio is all the bluesy goodness that one could ask for (...from someone who is responsible for "your body is a wonderland," anyway). the second is "never met a girl like you before" by iggy pop. this one is just fucking cool.

four - the office (bbc). now, i've had both seasons on dvd for about a year now, but i've recently rediscovered their brilliance. if you're into incredibly dry, awkward british humor, and you have not seen this show yet, a viewing is required and shall be arranged asap.


BDs, all four.

it takes a certain kind of musician to be able to effectively spell in their songs.

aerosmith, for instance, can pull it off for some reason. in the song "what it takes," steven tyler wails, "girl, before i met you, i was f-i-n-e fine," and it works.

gwen stefani, on the other hand, can't do it. i don't care how catchy "hollaback girl" is, spelling out "bananas" was absolutely uncalled for.

aretha franklin can do it. respect, bitch. oh, you don't understand? let me spell it for you. r-e-s-p-e-c-t! fuck yeah!

john mellencamp (or was he john cougar? or john cougar mellencamp? i can't keep his "name eras" straight) did it in "r-o-c-k in the usa," and while it was incredibly cheesy and incredibly 80s and full of springsteen envy, i think it's fun.

the pixies pull it off okay. i didn't even notice it until about a month ago, actually. "v-e-l-o-u.... r-i-a.." i think that one is mediocre, but it works.

stephin merritt of the magnetic fields tried his hand at the spelling in the song "washington dc." while i haven't heard this song, i have it on good authority that the song "staggers along like a wounded musk ox trying to get down to the river to die." ouch.

it's arguable whether or not elvis costello can do it. the song in question is "i stand accused." "i stand accused... i s-t-a-n-d a-c-c-u-s-e-d..."

i think this is completely wrong. if you're going to spell something out, it has to be something relatively short. in "lola" by the kinks, they spell her name. l-o-l-a, lola. that's all. "i s-t-a-n-d a-c-c-u-s-e-d" is taking the spelling thing a little too far.

unless you can pull it off incredibly well (à la aretha, the kinks, or perhaps aerosmith), i'd stay away from spelling. it seems like the artist is begging for some kind of catchy hook, a plea for a "hit song." (i'm talking to you, gwen. i don't care whether or not it worked.)

oh yeah, kanye pulls it off. although i have no idea what "w-h-i-t" means.


those of you going to see mr. mason jennings on wednesday - i unfortunately not be joining you; i'll be at work. do you think if i cried about it into a jar and one of you gave it to him, he'd write a song about it?


ps: remember my funk post where i mentioned (and graciously uploaded) the song "hollywood (africa)" by the red hot chili peppers? well i found a video of them doing it live with george clinton. i've seen it seven times already, and i only cried one time.

after the longest night of my entire life (which included spilling the entire contents of a large coca-cola all over myself while walking to my house), these things are my solace:

-tom waits - christmas card from a hooker in minneapolis (blue valentine)
-ella fitzgerald - it's only a paper moon (1945-1947)
-low - surfer girl (a lifetime of temporary relief)
-snow patrol - run (final straw)
-cat power - (i can't get no) satisfaction (the covers record)

take. love. relax. i know i am.

as requested by the most persistent and persuasive girl i know, i'm going to talk about my issues with tracy chapman.

lots of people have bizarre reactions to random things. for example, i have a friend who can't see morgan freeman in anything without tearing up (even movies like "bruce almighty" and "nurse betty") because of her emotional attachment to "the shawshank redemption." (seriously, she instantaneously dissolves into tears every single time she even hears his voice. it's weird.)

similarly, i have an immediate physical reaction to tracy chapman, although it is not tears. whenever i hear her voice.... i have to pee. i'm serious. absolutely serious.

it wasn't always this way. when i first made the connection between ms. chapman and the familiar bladder pressure, i was quite confused because i remembered being able to listen to her in the past and not have this issue.

after nearly infinite hours of soul searching (and trial-and-error with various tracy chapman songs, resulting in countless trips to the bathroom and an embarrassing amount of toilet paper), i finally pinpointed it.

during my senior year of high school, i didn't ride the bus because it came a full seventy-five minutes before school even started, so i convinced my father and/or cousin to drive me to school. we would listen to 97.1 (cities 97) because it was the only radio station that we could agree on. if you're not from the twin cities or the surrounding area, cities 97 is categorized as "adult alternative," so the music played is things like the counting crows, van morrison, u2, coldplay, and, of course, tracy chapman. however, their variety isn't as good as promised; we heard the same four songs on the ride to school every day: "now that i know" by shannon mcnally, "moment of forgiveness" by the indigo girls, "silver lining" by bonnie raitt, and "you're the one" by tracy chapman (in that order).

well, by the time we got to school, i had to go to the bathroom pretty badly. i would jump out of the car, race to the bathroom, head to my locker (which was in the basement, cruelly enough), and be late for physics class. every day. every single day.

so now, whenever i hear tracy chapman, i feel the familiar twinge in my bladder. i've been slowly & surely getting better, but it's still not as it should be.

any bizarre pavlovian responses out there?



i have to pee now, but i think it's unrelated.

i'm contemplating quitting smoking.

i had my first cigarette in the later years of my teens, but i think i knew far before then that i would end up being a smoker for some of my life. of course, my parents always told me that "smoking is bad," so i was automatically intrigued. i remember a friend of mine would invite me over to watch old movies in his basement, and he would smoke cigarettes and analyze the subtext of the movies. it all seemed so kerouac-ian and so impressive and so artsy. i would always romanticize the smoke wafting out of humphrey bogart's mouth, swirling around over his head. (someday i'll talk about my lifelong bogart fascination.)

after smoking a few cigarettes here and there in the local cub parking lot, i became a casual smoker, and that lasted for quite awhile. however, i knew that i liked it too much and would have to pick a side. naturally, being a rebellious nineteen year old, i finally decided to give smoking my all.

and it's been all good. being a smoker has only been (immediately) detrimental to me a few times in these last few years (one being the infamous moment when i chose to give up my front row spot at pizza luce minutes before atmosphere was to take the stage because i just had to have one). in fact, many good things have come from being a smoker. i've made friends over a cigarette; i've made business connections over a cigarette; i've made big decisions over a cigarette.

the combination of cigarettes and coffee, however, is something i will never get over. i can't drink a cup of coffee without going into a frenzy, desperately trying to get my hands on a cigarette, because the combination is so wonderful. i remember a few times this summer (when i had that shitty shitty shitty job) i'd wake up early, make a pot of coffee, and sit out on my porch, drinking my coffee and smoking my cigarettes and watching the sun come up. honestly, it doesn't get much better than that...

...except standing out on my porch on a crisp winter evening, staring at the stars and watching the smoke curl up into the sky and catch the light from the lamppost in my front yard...

...or the "after a large meal" cigarette. or the post-coital cigarette. or the cigarette you smoke when you're walking that thin line between "mildly intoxicated" and "completely wasted." or the one you smoke when you're stressed beyond all belief. cigarettes have punctuated my time well over these few years. i honestly don't think it's a disgusting habit at all. in fact, i really quite like smoking cigarettes.

but i'm starting to grow weary of paying the higher price for them. i'm growing weary of brushing my teeth ninety times a day. i'm sick of apologizing to my friends for blowing smoke in their faces or hair. i don't know how i'm going to handle my job if i decide to quit smoking, because i smoke a LOT there, but i guess i'll have to take that one step at a time.

i haven't come to any concrete conclusions yet, but i'm definitely thinking it over.

but i swear to god, if one more person snidely reminds me that smoking's bad for [me], i'm going to kick their teeth in.


ps: i present to you billy joel vs. britney spears - this is the "uptown girl" video set to "toxic" and it is damn hilarious.

okay, i'm breaking my silent vow not to talk about work and mention a conversation i overheard tonight.

last call. three people in the bar. i begin the closing duties. as i'm wiping a table and not completely paying attention, i hear this girl go into hysterics.

girl: miss america teen? you dated miss america teen? oh my god, my respect for you just nose-dived!
guy: i didn't know she was miss america teen at the time!
girl: if you dated her just because she was hot and miss america teen.... i mean, no offense, but that is horrible.
guy: she was a very nice girl, i really liked her, actually.
girl: seriously, no offense, but man, how can you live with yourself? ick! ohmigod ick! attractive girls are so overrated.

(drunken versions of this conversation loop until the pair leave at the bouncer-enforced time.)

i don't really know where to begin with the commentary on this one (seeing as it is almost 6am), so i'll let you take it. to the eye candy! to the music! to the fluff!

weekly crush:
jason bateman.



weekly 5.
theme: anniemosity's showering songs.
yes. i sing in the shower. but i cheat, because i have my ipod hooked up in my bathroom, so i get to sing along instead of going solo. these are my favorite songs to howl along with in the shower. give it a shot.

1. traveling wilburys - not alone anymore (traveling wilburys, volume one)

2. tracy chapman - give me one reason (new beginning)
-despite my "issues" with tracy chapman, i dig this song a lot. (those who don't know my "issues," fret not - i like ms. chapman. it's just... never mind, it's complicated.)

3. george harrison - my sweet lord (all things must pass)

4. bob dylan - love sick (time out of mind)

5. no doubt - you can do it (tragic kingdom)
-laced with disco. i love it.

technically it is the 17th of january, which means our very own frenchie returns to us in four days. four days. anniemosity is stoked.

as much as i don't like to admit it, i'm really really girly sometimes.

for example, i shop to make myself feel better. i have a terrible cold, so i went out today and bought "arrested development" season one, a new pair of shoes, two work shirts, a 2006 calendar, and a hodge-podge of other necessities. (i purchased all of these things with the gift cards i got for christmas, so luckily enough, these shiny new items cost a total of $4.03. not bad.)

i get furiously jealous when i see my ex-boyfriends with their new girlfriends on my turf. this generally leads to unnecessarily loud laughter during the conversation i'm in, gratuitous flips of my freshly-dyed hair, and obsessive checking of my cleavage.

i am intrigued by gossip about my co-workers. ("she's a stripper now? get out!") granted, i don't ordinarily participate in said gossip, but i'm not going to stop listening when the chatter starts flying.

so tonight, i'm pulling an al bundy. i'm cracking open a cold grain belt, eating nachos, and spending the remainder of my waking hours with the bluths.

-i'm not going to lie. that cyclops kitten freaked me out. also, i believe it to be cruel that they named it "cy."

-netflix is officially the best thing ever. if you're looking for a free trial, drop me a line and i'll hook you up. i don't know how i ever got along without it. it knows me. i rated fifteen movies, and they recommended "in a lonely place," "planes, trains, and automobiles," and "arrested development" season one. does this program know me or what? it'd be kind of unsettling, actually, if they didn't keep sending me movies & all.

-speaking of movies, yes, i've been working on watching horror movies and everything, but NO, I WILL NOT GO SEE "HOSTEL" WITH YOU. stop asking. shit, even looking at the cast list freaks me out. "german surgeon?" "muttonchop?" wait, "desk clerk jedi?" "angry dutch elf?" what?

-ever drunk dial another country? apparently i did on sunday. at 6am. sorry pelowski.


actually, i really have a lot to say but no idea how to say it. i just figured i'd better update before samantha "two hands" scott busts a blood vessel in her forehead.

i don't know why people have been hating on funk music recently.

you don't have to like everything i like. i can accept the fact that there are a few people out there who disagree with anniemosity.com at times. but i have a hard time understanding people who don't appreciate the musicianship behind funk music.

let me break it down for you. you've got your horn section, your rhythm section, sometimes a woodwind section, your choir of backup singers, and your crazy front man (who is generally involved in either the horn or rhythm section), usually strung out on drugs past the point of recognition.

the structure of a funk song is generally pretty simple, but the rhythms are quite complex. the bass is something that usually gets me going and having it featured prominently is never a bad thing. the majority of the greats in funk music are also known for being fucking crazy bastards... but i think you have to be pretty weird to have the funk gene in you. let's assess in this week's edition of the weekly 5.



bootsy collins - rubber duckie (ahh... the name is bootsy, baby!)
bootsy collins. one of the greatest funk bass players ever, a.k.a. "bootzilla, the world's only rhinestone rockstar monster of a doll." bizarre dude, but fucking great.



sly & the family stone - thank you (falettinme be mice elf agin) (greatest hits)
sly got really stressed out for a long period of time with the family stone. he was stressed out because the black panthers were pressuring him to make more music reflecting the black power movement, and to replace the two white band members with black musicians. sly gave himself an ulcer and decided to treat it with heavy doses of cocaine. (this is just the tip of the iceberg of their story. you really should read about them.) after nearly ten years together, the band dissolved, but it still sits atop the hierarchy as one of the most influential funk bands ever. fucking great.



maceo & the macks - cross the tracks ("cross the tracks" single, unavailable)
while james brown is officially credited for creating the funk genre, it would be pretty weak without maceo's contributions. "maceo, i want you to blow!" was (apparently) a catch-phrase of the time. hey, guess what? maceo's still the most sampled musician around simply because of the unique quality of his sound. bitchin'.



parliament - who says a funk band can't play rock? (ultimate funkadelic)
"i want the bomb. i want the p-funk. i want my funk uncut."
(i cannot possibly start to explain the p-funk.)



james brown - gonna have a funky good time (live) (when we were kings)
james brown's career is also far too long to encapsulate into an anniemosity blurb. but i can tell you that he holds the record for the artist who has charted the most number of singles on the billboard hot 100 without ever hitting number one on that chart... which is cool, but kind of lame.

and finally



red hot chili peppers - hollywood (africa) (freaky styley)
a lot of people forget that the red hot chili peppers began as a funk band. but in all seriousness, i'm posting this song only because it was originally done by the meters, one of the greatest funk bands ever. i unfortunately don't have a copy of theirs (simply titled "africa") but i reaaaallllyyy wanted to post the song, the chili peppers do a very good job covering it. i can't get over that horn at the end. (also, have i mentioned that anthony kiedis is my longest-running celebrity boyfriend-slash-baby daddy? truth.)


all i really want from my music is a groove so hard that it's difficult to put it into words.

i've never understood all the girls my age who fawn over younger guys. i remember specifically in tenth grade my friend jenny had the biggest crush on frankie muniz. i remember saying to her, "he's twelve years old. literally. twelve years old. i'm serious." but she didn't care - she loved little malcolm all the same. (in hindsight, i was overreacting because he was one year younger than us, which makes me feel ridiculously young.)

then the harry potter movies surfaced, and the fangirls went nuts over daniel radcliffe and rupert grint. i couldn't believe it. i remember ranting and raving to a friend of mine that there was no way that they could be considered sex symbols because they were "friggin' pre-pubescent." (i still stand by that.)

everyone knows i have a thing for older guys, so the following confession is going to come as a shock to most (but not all).

this kid is really dreamy.



(now chill out please, he is older that this picture might lead you to believe. this was filmed like three years ago.)

that, ladies (and joel), is william moseley, star of "the chronicles of narnia: the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe." seeing as mr. moseley is at the ripe age of 18, i feel slightly creepy about my crush on him, but the important thing is that he can gamble, smoke cigarettes, and legally sleep with women. that is the important thing.... right?

this does not mean that i've given up on older men -- i'll stand by my DILFs. i'm just branching out. that's always a good thing.

"effective 01/06, only bands drawing at least 200 people per show will be allowed to play at pizza luce. trampled by turtles every weekend anyone?" (source // pdd thread)

this doesn't sit well with me at all. one of the things i liked very much about the shows at luce was that they WEREN'T absolutely packed. i saw heiruspecs there once with about fifteen other people, and it was one of my very favorite shows ever.

i could be bitter sheerly for my own nostalgic or selfish reasons... the glory days of the hardcore jollies... the aforementioned heiruspecs show... crew jones, the black-eyed snakes, etc. all played there. and it's one of the only venues left in duluth that i can see all these bands play because I'M NOT 21 YET (two months & twenty days, if anyone is counting).

this doesn't really give smaller bands a chance to grow. luce seemed to be a good starting point to expose your music to new people and slowly gain a fan base. now we're left with the tap room and (god forbid) grandma's sports garden (both of which underagers like myself are shut out of), and then some smaller venues that louder bands won't really go over well in.

i remember feeling despair like this when the MAC closed shortly after i saw haley bonar there (one of only two shows i got to see there). it sucks that i came to duluth too late and missed out on what was once a vivacious music scene.

granted, i don't know what's going on behind the scenes at luce to prompt a seemingly selfish decision, but i don't see this as a good thing. at all.

what do you think?



as a side note, i ran across a thread where many many people called eric clapton "shitty" and "cheesy" and "lame" and "an overrated pop star" and "irrelevant." (the kicker is that "the most vile, unforgivable, trash in popular music history was spewed by this heinous waste of carbon.") i had no idea that people who don't like eric clapton even existed, and i say that in all seriousness. he's probably my favorite musician of all time, but no matter your take on him, you have to respect the flow. and these haters don't. my mind is blown and not in that good way.


ps: how much does this guy look like andy frye? anyone?

this is no big surprise, but mtv has really gone in the crapper these last few years. i used to be able to turn it on and mindlessly watch some kind of decent background television, but now it's just a pile of shit.

what happened to their innovative programming? seriously, how many twists on dating shows can they have? how many IRRELEVANT CELEBRITIES can they tape every single moment of? and OH YEAH LAGUNA BEACH SUCKS and those kids are SO STUPID, okay? we do NOT need a third season, and i'm pretty sure nobody requested a SPINOFF. it's basically turned into THE SHITTY REALITY SHOW NETWORK.

this upsets me because conceptually, mtv is a really good thing. a channel devoted solely to promoting music and artists? i'm all in. "the real world" is just fine, too (well, before it got REALLY LAME)... and i really like "punk'd" too, no lie. but WHERE DID THE MUSIC GO? i'm serious. i don't want to watch the same four music videos over and over, especially when the artists suck as it is.

i don't know where i'm going with this, and i'm totally a hypocrite because i'm watching "made" right now.

so instead of bitching about how mtv doesn't give you any decent music, i will take over with the most recent edition of......

...the weekly 5
theme: summer. because summer was so good and i really wish it wasn't so far away.

1. rippopotamus - summer (r.i.p.)
if you don't know who rippopotamus is, you are MISSING OUT. it's the most amazing blend of rock and funk. oh shit they're good.

2. pavement - summer babe (slanted & enchanted)

3. jimi hendrix - long hot summer night (the ultimate experience)

4. the flaming lips - it's summertime (yoshimi battles the pink robots)

5. lake effect - summertime
soooo..... i love umd vocal jazz. rob & buegler sing the shit out of this song. looovveesss iitttt.

i don't really know how to sum up everything that's happened since i blogged about my cat.

i worked new year's eve. at one point, i was bringing a man in the front bar a glass of water, and who should i see? one tony jacobson, one ann perkins (heiress to the perkins restaurant fortune of the west coast), and one kristen pederson.



suddenly, samantha "two hands (and now everyone knows why)" scott peeks around the three of them and i lose it. best surprise ever. i didn't know what to do with myself, and i completely forgot that i actually had a job to do for about a half an hour. they went off to continue their new year's activities (resulting in THE BEST PICTURE EVER TAKEN).

want to know why i fucking love samantha scott so much? because she gets whatever she wants -- if she wants to come surprise me at work, she's going to make sure it happens. because it's almost as if she tries to offend small families at perkins. because she parties like a rock star all the time. because she's the most badass girl i know.

hey sam -- this is probably an inappropriate way to tell you this, but i'm totally making this public -- i called you my best friend last night. WHHHAAAATTTT??????? YEEEAAAAAAHHHH. that's hot. ........i'm twelve years old.


i hope everyone had as enjoyable of a weekend as i did (working aside). i'll ACTUALLY blog sometime soon.