it's happened.

i haven't wanted to publicly announce it until it happened (which turned out to be a good idea, because there were so many road blocks in the process), but it happened.

ladies and gentlemen......

i have a new computer. OMG!

goodbye, pentium II! goodbye, virtual memory problems! goodbye, bitching and yelling! it is the era of the TOSHIBA, the 512 ram, the actuality of running itunes and photoshop -- at the same time!!!!!

so that's fun.

also, i'm excited to finally get back to work tomorrow evening, after my thanksgiving hiatus with the grandfolks. i almost miss that place. either that, or i'm just dreaming about it every night because i spend all my time there.

speaking of grandfolks, my grandfather is a certified badass. according to daniel, he got in a fight last night. not a fistfight; it was a yelling match, but still, how many times does one get to see two 70+ year old men yelling "SHUT UP, ASSHOLE" at each other, while they are both hard of hearing and can't understand each other anyway? that's what i'd do: scream obscenities at my opponent if i couldn't understand them. to make matters better, imagine them circling each other, ready to throw a blow at each other at any moment, with just a wiry twenty-three year old between them. oh god. the good ol' feisty spirit lies deep within my blood. watch it.

as i'm still in the process of transferring my files from my old computer, i don't have a lot to offer you for a long-overdue weekly 5, so here is a hodge-podge of great tunes. enjoy.

weekly 5+
theme: ......

1. the offspring - want you bad (conspiracy of one)
-this was a very underrated disc. it had the one hit single ("original prankster") and kind of fizzled out, leaving seven or eight great undiscovered songs. this is one. oddly enough, it also has the same chord progression as "just what i needed" by the cars. huh.

2. the white stripes - when i hear my name (live)
-i don't know shit about this song, except it blew me away when i heard it last week. any live white stripes tracks are worth getting your grubby little hands on, because jack's a fucking genius and lets it all hang out. (they only get better. if you want more, drop me a line. i'd be glad to hook you up because i'm all about sharing the white stripes loving.)

3. gwen stefani - luxurious (love angel music baby)
-i've said it before and i'll say it again: i like shitty music. however, this is the first solo gwen stefani song that i actually like from beginning to end. cha-chiiiiiiiing.

4. cab calloway - minnie the moocher (the blues brothers original soundtrack)
-this song always stood out to me from the original blues brothers soundtrack. i remember thinking that it was the best blues brothers song ever, actually. this might be true. i can't decide. anyway, mr. fabulous is on the trumpet (as always) and kicks ass (also as always).

5. whitney houston - i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me) (whitney)
-i have yet to find someone who doesn't like this song. prove me wrong. i double dare you. i'll even buy you a coke or something. (i won't promise that, though.)

6. squeeze - take me i'm yours (singles 45 and under)
-the only song by squeeze i was ever familiar with was "tempted." i'm sure you know it. gap even used it in the commercials for men's jeans two years ago with the hottie mchot raoul bova... where he wears all those different outfits with that sexy five o'clock shadow... and had those perfect white teeth... um... anyway, this song is totally different. in a good way. not that the other one was bad, but.. well, you know. let's focus more on raoul bova.

7. billy joel - the longest time (greatest hits vol. I & II)
-this one's for you, sir.

oh, and before i forget: the weekly crush.
this week's is vincent price. creep-tastic and quite appealing, in a very bizarre way.
i know he's old. this shouldn't surprise you.
shut up! don't judge. you don't know me.

there aren't many simple phrases i can use to succinctly sum up tonight, so the following narrative will have to do.

my first venture into the gay 90s.
as told by anniemosity.com, with some help from joel "between ma-thias," aka Ghey.

ghey had an assignment for a class to "go to an event" that he "had never been to before" and write a paper on it... so he talked me me into going to the popular "la femme" drag show at the gay 90s about an hour before it was scheduled to start. after we assessed my outfit, he whisked me home so i could appropriately dress myself, and we were off.

we approached the gay 90s a little apprehensively. this was foreign territory for both of us, so neither of us knew quite what to expect. the big blinking lights outside loomed over us, and the feeling of intimidation flitted through my stomach. we pressed on.

after entering the narrow hallway lined with chain-link fences, we suddenly stood on an empty dancefloor. it smelled like a gym, and the only person in the room with us was the surly bartender. we both needed to use the bathroom, so we entered the next room. it was the "dining area," decorated to mimic some kind of burlesque saloon... whatever it was, there were a lot of neon lights and manniquins. and there was a big wooden bar.

we found the bathrooms, did our thing, met back up, and realized we were lost. we had been there less than five minutes and we were lost already. we crossed another room (with another bar) and went up the stairs, passing pictures of famous drag queens (including a poster from that movie with patrick swayze, wesley snipes, and john leguizamo... you know what i'm talking about). upstairs, we found three or four unique rooms with a different bar in each one. the place had more bars inside the one building than the entire tower avenue strip in superior. i swear.

ghey and i ducked outside for a smoke before the show was to begin. halfway through, two transvestites joined us. i can't speak for ghey, but if i know him (and i do), he was thinking the same thing that i was: excellent. we went back inside and passed the stairs. britney spears' immortal classic "hit me baby one more time" pulsated down the narrow staircase. we frantically looked at each other: it had already started. damn my nicotine addiction!

we raced up the stairs and found our seats as a tall auburn-haired performer (with the most toned arms i've ever seen in real life) was finishing the britney song. she welcomed us to the show and introduced herself as blanche, the emcee of the evening. she joked around with the audience, bitching at us heterosexuals and introducing us "90s virgins" to the crowd. she introduced the first act of the night as victoria gotti, the winner of the drag contest earlier in the week. the room went black. ghey and i grasped hands. this was it.

victoria stormed the stage. she was a very large black woman in a gold sequined dress, and she sang the staple of the drag show community: "it's rainin' men." i will not go into detail about how amazing it was, because, try as i might, i cannot accurately capture it in words. take me at my word, though. it was excellent.

the next performer was a very skinny girl who sang "100% pure love." that ass! those legs! those fishnets! that ass! those heels! that ass! mesmerized by the dancer, i almost didn't notice the line of people standing at the front of the stage. i suddenly realized that we were supposed to tip the performers. ghey and i grabbed our wallets to anticipate how crazy we could get with the tipping. to our horror, we each only had one dollar. $1. each. what the hell were we thinking?

"we have to be careful," i said. "who should we tip?"
"we will each tip the one dancer we feel is ours," he declared.
"but how will we know?" i asked. i was clearly worried.
"oh. you'll know," he said, returning his focus to the stage. i sat back and fretted a little.

all of a sudden, i heard a familiar guitar riff. ghey grabbed my hand. "this is yours," he said. "this one is for you." i knew deep down in my gut that he was right. the song was "bootylicious." her name was champagne king. and i obviously wasn't ready for her jelly. she strut out onto the stage in pink thigh highs, a pink fur miniskirt, and a black sparkly bra. i clutched my dollar bill tightly and raced to the front. i waited for her to notice me, shaking my booty a little. she approached me and daintily took my dollar bill. "thanks baby," she mouthed, pressing her cheek against mine. as we pulled apart, i could feel two or three layers of her makeup attaching to my cheek. i gleefully returned to my seat to watch the end of the song.

i don't know if it was fate or a coincidence, but the next performer was to be ghey's. blanche introduced us to camille collins, the longest running performer at the 90s (sixteen years!). the song began, and ghey forcefully latched on to my shoulder. "it's annie!" he shrieked. "it's annie lennox! ohhhhhhhhh, this is mine!" camille sauntered onstage in a short black wig and a top hat, thrusting her cane to the ground with the beat of the music. ghey swiped up his dollar and raced to the stage, but he wasn't quick enough to be the first, so he had to wait in line. once he reached the front, he grinned his big gay grin and offered her his tip. she gazed benevolently down at him. her stage prescence made her seem ten feet tall (and she probably was, what with the heels and the top hat and everything). she took his dollar, kissed his lips, and pranced back to the middle of the stage.

the rest of the show went on with shaniqua duprey (a dead ringer for janet jackson), monica west (minnesota's performer of the year), nina diangelo (the only performer from the 90s to hold a national "female impersonator" title), roxy marquis (i actually forgot that she was a man), and even blanche herself did a dead-on cher impression. (honestly, i really think it was actually cher up there. seriously. it was spot on.)

ghey and i left the 90s with such jubilant spirits that we didn't care that the streets smelled like sewer-slash-ass, and that it was raining (a lot). the entire experience was so great. i'm planning on going back every time i'm near minneapolis. if you want to come, hit me up. i'll be there. it was glorious. it was wonderful.

it was fabulous.

i take three days away from the internet and pop culture, and i miss nick & jessica officially splitting. go figure.

well, thanksgiving is officially over, as is "black friday," which i actually experienced this year. yes -- i woke up at 4:30am so i could be at the mall when it opened at 5am. there was this 5am-11am sale... my mother and i needed to be there.

it was sheer pandemonium. i couldn't believe that all the clichés were actually true. granted, i didn't see any soccer moms clotheslining each other for harry potter books, but it was absolutely wild. and, of course, when i approached the counter for my desired item, it was sold out. i actually shook my fist at the woman behind the counter and cursed. "try going to [city thirty to forty-five miles north]. they might have it," she said, trying to calm me down. i snarled and gnashed my teeth, but my mother thanked her for the tip.

so we drove thirty to forty-five miles north of the city and entered the store. it was now 5:45am, and the store was beginning to look like a tornado whipped through it. i marched up to the counter, holding the green ad in my hand, and pointed to the picture. "i need this," i said. the man glanced at it and said, "we're out. we actually sold out before the store opened today. sorry."

the hollow feeling in my stomach turned to boiling fury and disbelief, churning around to make some sort of sickening angry-slash-disappointed feeling. i suppose it's either a) karma, b) what i get for going out on "black friday," or c) the gods mocking me.

that aside, it was good to be there, but it's good to be back in minnesota... where we finally have snow.

in closing, here are a few things (other than my family, friends, health, etc.) that i am thankful for:
-football.
-"goldeneye" for nintendo 64.
-stuffing.
-christopher knight & adrienne curry staying together.
-burlesque shows. (because i guess i'm going to one in minneapolis tonight.)
-my neighbor's wireless internet.
-friends in other countries, both of which i miss terribly.
-disney movies from the early nineties that have vincent price as the bad guy.

i'll get a weekly 5 up for you when i return to duluth on monday. i've also got a few videos and a swarm of sweet pictures for your impatient eyes. i hope you're keeping warm, kids. see you soon.


PS: i'm officially a redhead now. it's going to take more than my chaperone to keep the boys away from me now.

lots of changes are coming to anniemosity.com.
it's not finished. so please be patient. and don't bitch at me yet(, joel).

also, i believe that there is no actual reason for john madden, al michaels, and/or sam ryan to have jobs. i watched the vikings/packers game with my father tonight, and there were a number of plays i missed because one of the three had to talk about something that had absolutely no relevance to the game at hand. dovonte edwards intercepted a pass from favre and i missed it because al michaels felt that this was an appropriate time to talk about how the best team in the history of football was the chicago bears in the early '80s.

sam ryan brought up the "boat incident," but it was okay because nothing was really happening in the game. then she just had to talk about the "employee handbook" and mention all the rules it went over, while behind her, fans were screeching and yelling because something happened on the field. what did the cameraman do? stick with sam ryan, because he's supposed to. finally, while she was still talking, the camera switched to the field, where there was a huge pileup near the sideline. what the hell is going on? well i would have known, but sam ryan was too busy yakking her ass off about how the rules concerning drinking and smoking apply to everyone involved with the team, not just the players. ass.

i'm starting to understand and like football. i don't want lame commentary to fuck it up.. like bob costas did at the olympic opening ceremonies. (you're still my boy, bob. just don't do it again.)

i'm falling apart. i fell down the stairs in my basement last week, resulting in bruises all over my forearm and my right leg, and a bruise on my ass roughly the size of ottawa. i also sliced my finger open on an ashtray at work (..a PLASTIC ashtray... i don't know how that one happened..) and it hurts to type, play guitar, eat oranges, or any of my other daily activities. and i have a horrendous cold... one of those that makes your ears pop because your nasal passages are so blocked. fuck you, cold! i'll beat you yet.

i feel i must apologize for keeping that picture of ben affleck on my blog for so long, but i don't think i will. look at that chiseled jaw and those squinty eyes and that oddly distinctive hairline! you know you love it.

well, i'm down in good ol' suburbia right now, spending the weekend before thanksgiving with my father and step-fam, and then i resume my inter-state gallivanting to visit my grandmother.

what's sweet about being home right now? my step-brother's girlfriend (i can only assume) emptied her ipod onto this computer, so i have 3,612 songs at my disposal. what sucks about that? a lot of it is really shitty. there's two full sum-41 albums, and the only metallica is "st. anger." however, i did find "civil war" by GNR and three songs featuring dj jazzy jeff, so it can't be all bad... oh wait, there's two full bright eyes albums. we're done here.

also, i feel the need to mention that i got in a fight with my brothers last night because they called the second disc of the beatles' white album "...overrated crap." what is wrong with the younger generation? ignorance, i tell you. ignorance.

anniemosity.com's scary movie update:
i watched "interview with the vampire" on friday, and it would have been fantastic without the commercial interruptions (serves me right for watching it on tv, anyway)... although i still protect my neck when i'm in dark places by myself. i'm not kidding. i don't want tom cruise latching on -- no sir! then last night, we watched "the shining." apparently i had no idea what this movie was about. and i may or may not still be checking over my shoulder to see if jack nicholson is wielding an axe behind me, shrieking "DANNY!" creeeeepy.

i'm off to stuff myself with vegetarian thanksgiving dishes. apparently there's going to be so much food that we're skipping breakfast. i'll send you a postcard from "I-Just-Gained-Twenty-Pounds Land." au revoir!

now that i've recovered (a little) from the terrible news from yesterday, it's dirty laundry day. here's my big secret.

okay, it's not even a big secret. it's just something that not many people can admit. but i can. and i will.

i love ben affleck.



i don't love him because he's attractive. i don't love him because he is (was?) a hollywood darling who happened to co-write a decent movie and win an academy award for it.

i should rephrase this before i continue.

i believe in ben affleck.

people call him uncharismatic, obnoxious, and a tool, among other quite nasty things. i think these accusations are all wrong. i think that he either has a horrible agent or horrible taste in movies, because he just keeps picking terrible, terrible roles. perhaps he is just trying to take some chances, but seriously, when was the last decent movie he made? "changing lanes" was decent, but not great... that was 2002. the last GREAT movie he made was in 2000 - "boiler room." "they say money can't buy happiness? look at the fucking smile on my face. ear to ear, baby."

but what is it exactly that has me 100% convinced that affleck is a good actor?

"dogma." no, not even the entire movie. one scene, a little more than halfway through the movie. the two angels, loki (matt damon) and bartleby (affleck) have just been thrown off of the train to new jersey. they are in a parking garage, assessing the situation.

Bartleby: I was close. You know, I was so close to slittin' that bitch's throat. You know how that felt? Righteous. Justified. Eager, even.

Loki: You all right man? Your eyes are kinda...

Bartleby: My eyes are open. For the first time, I get it. When that little innocent girl let her mission slip, I had an epiphany. See, in the beginning, it was just us and Him, angels and God. Then he created humans. Ours was designed to be a life of servitude and worship... and bowing and scraping and adoration. He gave them more than He ever gave us: He gave them a choice. They choose to acknowledge God, or choose to ignore Him. All this time we've been down here, I've felt the absence of the Divine presence, and it's pained me... as I'm sure it must have pained you. And why? Because of the way He made us. Had we been given free will, we could choose to ignore the pain like they do, but no! We're servants!

Loki: Okay... you know, all I'm sayin' here is that one of us might need a little nap.

Bartleby: [claps hands] Wake up! These humans have besmirched everything He's bestowed upon them. They were given Paradise - they threw it away. They were given this planet - they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe he exists. And in spite of it all... He has shown them infinite fucking patience at every turn. What about us? I asked you once to lay down the sword, because I felt sorry for them. What was the result? Our expulsion from Paradise! Where was his infinite fucking patience then? It's not right! It's not fair! We've paid our debt. Don't you think it's time? Don't you think it's time we went home? And to do that... I think we may have to dispatch our would-be dispatchers.

Loki: Wait. Wait. Wait. Kill them? You're talking about the Last Scion for Chrissakes! And what about Jay and Bob? I mean... those guys were all right.

Bartleby: Don't. Don't, my friend. See, don't let your sympathies get the best of you. They did me once. Scion or not, she's just a human. And by passing through that arch, our sins are forgiven. No harm, no foul.


that scene gives me chills every single time. he can date all the jennifer lopezs and make all the "gigli"s and "pearl harbor"s and "reindeer games" he wants to... i will maintain my opinion that ben affleck is a fine actor, even -- dare i say it -- a great actor. he just has an agent that likes to put him in terrible movies like it's some kind of awful game.

i am one depressed girl.

i had a wonderful post all about the snow, but fuck that.

i realized about ten minutes ago that i could get tickets for low's first avenue show in december on ticketmaster.com. i found two tickets and was about to enter my card number when i saw an asterisk. "what's this?" i wondered, searching for the fine print.

*must be 21+ with valid ID.

unbelievable. with four months to go, i'm going to miss low because i'm not old enough.

i'm going to go down four shots of whiskey and drunkenly sputter in the face of age.

here's to you, sparhawk. i'll see you soon. i promise.

weekly 5
theme: it's cold.

1. low - last snowstorm of the year (trust)

2. ella fitzgerald & louis armstrong - baby it's cold outside

3. the white stripes - in the cold, cold night (elephant)

4. john legend - refuge (when it's cold outside) (get lifted)

5. modest mouse - the cold part (the moon & antarctica)

leave me nice comments with nice little stories that will cheer me up. please?

if you have any suggestions on how to sneak into first avenue, tell me those too.

perhaps i should learn to be less presumptuous. when i initially said, "i don't work until thursday," i apparently meant, "i work every night this week including thursday." silly me.

to tie in the subject of tonight (this morning?)'s post, i learned a few things at work tonight. as most of you know, i've been planning my 21st birthday since the second i had my first sip of alcohol. it was going to be a big celebration: all of my friends would accompany me to Bar Number One. i would get as close to drunk as i could, and then we'd stumble down superior street to Bar Number Two to finish up the night. it was to be an epic party, a big to-do, a jubilant commemoration of my final "coming-of-age" moment.... as long as every single person i know was there, getting drunk right along with me.

well, i witnessed that exact scene tonight (if you change "...stumble down superior street..." to "stay at frankie's tavern all night long"). twenty or thirty 21-year-old frat boys and their hangers on ambushed the bar at exactly midnight and ordered the new 21-year-old eight shots of various colors and flavors. he proceeded to down every single one. his buddies then ordered him a beer. he chugged. then they ordered him three more shots. he threw them back and grimaced. i checked my watch. it was 12:15. (he's probably hurting pretty badly right now, come to think of it.) his friends took up BOTH SIDES of the bar, periodically standing on the stools and yelling "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! THIS MOTHERFUCKER'S 21!! YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!" and then the karaoke began. they sang every garth brooks song in the book, and one that had them all declaring that they liked their women a little on the trashy side. it's times like these that i'm thankful i've learned to tune the karaoke out.

i was innocently wiping out an ashtray when i heard the familiar guitar riff. i whirled around, horrified. "lazy yellow moon comin' up tonight, shinin' through the trees..." i shot a frantic glance at tony (the dj) and he mouthed an apology. "BABY get ready," the frat boys crooned. i went back to the task at hand, fuming. i was being greeted by "fishin' in the dark" by the nitty gritty dirt band... my old nemesis. there is literally -- literally -- no song that i hate more in the entire library of music ever written than "fishin' in the dark." (there are a few who can attest to this.) there was clapping and cheering and singing and a-hootin' and a-hollerin'. i threw the ashtray down and stormed up to the front bar, refusing to return to my job until the song was over.

last call finally arrived. the freshly 21-year old and his horrifically drunk buddies stumbled out of the bar, and i literally felt dumber for having to witness the past hour and a half.

however, i'm glad i was able to be a part of this. it taught me that my aforementioned celebration is clearly the wrong way to immortalize my 21st birthday. yes, i will be at a bar... maybe even two. however, i will not bring every person i know, and i will not yell and scream and celebrate across the span of an entire bar. it will be as low-key as i can possibly make it. i never want to go through that again, much less cause it. (i'm hoping some of you will remember this and keep me in check, come march.)

the other thing i learned tonight was to NEVER TELL PATRONS/DRUNKS THE TRUTH ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP STATUS.

just after last call, there were three big guys playing darts in the back. i went to grab the ashtrays and wipe the tables when one of them stopped me. he had a gigantic ring through the middle of his nose, which made him look like a big bull. literally. he told me i was doing a very good job, and i thanked him. he told me that his friend (who was currently shooting darts) was a very nice boy. i told him that it was wonderful that he makes friends with such nice people. he told me that i was very pretty, and i thanked him.

and then the fateful question. "are you single?" Mr. Bull asked me.
"yes," i replied, hesitantly.
"come meet this guy. you'll love him," he said, putting his hand on the small of my back and steering me towards the beefy man with a dart in his hand. i thanked my lucky stars i had grabbed the disinfectant and made some excuse about having to do my job, waving the big green bottle in his face. i ducked behind the bar and hid until they left. (they left me his phone number and quite the hefty tip.)

in hindsight, i should have lied and told him i was married to a professional wrestler, but unfortunately i don't remember any of their names.

so what have i learned?

a) 21 will be fun, but not belligerent and annoying. and so help me, if "fishin' in the dark" makes an appearance, we will no longer be friends. i solemnly swear this.

b) lies. feed the customers lies and bring them their booze, and then get the hell away.

c) learn names of professional wrestlers.

that's all i have for you tonight. now i will drift off to sleep by watching "groundhog day." again.
clifford out.

daylight savings time is such bullshit. i know the reasons why someone felt it was necessary, but i'm already sick of it getting dark at 4:30pm. honestly, that is still some valuable daylight time that i feel deprived of. it's currently around 6pm, it's been dark for an hour and a half, and i feel like it's almost time to a) work, b) party, or c) sleep. and i've only been awake for four hours. come on. let's make a compromise somewhere in here.

so..... i'm excited for this year's movie season. "walk the line" is the most anticipated movie because of my intense love and emotional ties to johnny cash, and my deepest hope that this will prove that reese witherspoon can act.

likewise, i am excited for "derailed" because clive owen is amazing, and i really want jennifer aniston to be able to act as well. and "thrillers" have been my thing lately. i've been doing really well at this scary movie thing. i watched all of "stigmata" and all of "house on haunted hill" last week. i'm on a frickin roll.

oh. steve zahn is a very funny man. "saving silverman" is in my top five favorite comedies ever. "fuck you, replacement-friends!" that's comedy, friends.

also, i feel it's far too early for christmas. "how the grinch stole christmas" was on tbs today. when dave & i went to get our halloween costumes, they were all gone because everything was being shelved for christmas decorations. is november going to be ignored more and more every year? ridiculous. i still love you, november. you've got a friend in me.

i've really got nothing tonight. i'm going to work. again. my non-existent social life can kiss my bruised ass.


ps:

there are many definitions of "romance." everyone has their own idea of what "romance" is and how it can be executed.

naturally, when a man decides to propose to the woman he loves, he generally wants to make a grand romantic gesture. it is thus the man's prerogative to decide the degree of romance and the degree of the gesture. a skywriter? the ring in an eclair? red rose petals sprinkled everywhere? in front of an entire restaurant? all alone in a candlelit room? there are almost endless ways to sweep a woman off her feet with a proposal.

having a dj propose to her for you in a karaoke bar while she is completely wasted off of her free 21st birthday shot(s) is usually not included in the definition of "romantic." i might be mistaken... she may have thought it was incredibly romantic. she may have also thought it was romantic when he turned to his fraternity brothers, requested high fives all around, and yelled "I'M GETTING FUCKEN MARRIED!" who am i to judge? i'm a mere cocktail waitress trying to reach around you to grab that empty shot glass before you knock it off the table in your drunken excitement because you found "bed of roses" in the karaoke book.

by the way, if you sing "earl had to die" twice in one night, it doesn't matter what the pretty brunette cocktail waitress tells you -- it's not appropriate. oh, and if you decide to sing it a third time and the dj WALKS OUT, i would think that would tell you something. and don't bribe your friend with shots of alcohol she's never heard of to sing "strawberry wine" a second time. chances are that the aforementioned cocktail waitress and the snarky bartender are rolling their eyes and preparing insults for when they exchange banter next. i'm just saying, heads up.

speaking of which, i popped my karaoke cherry tonight with "paradise by the dashboard light" with dj sammy because the place was so dead. it was godawful. if i could get those eight minutes and twenty nine seconds back, believe me, i would.

dear readers, please excuse my small mental breakdown last night. it was all true (true true, not my bullshit "this is all true" disclaimer), and it's been difficult, but i got out of the house today, bought a skankalicious skirt, and i feel better. i may actually go running tomorrow, but i don't want to set my hopes too high. i'm such a sloth.

speaking of which, i think i've actually committed all seven of the deadly sins in one day.

-pride - i became prideful when i got my first flash preloader to work.... i'm sure none of you give a shit. the point is that i became prideful when i realized i was fucking cool.
-envy - i became envious of madonna when i saw her amazing thighs in her new video online this morning... and remembered that i haven't been running in a week.
-anger - i became angry with joel when we miscommunicated nine times... i became angry when i stubbed my toe... i became angry when i saw fruit flies in my kitchen... and i became angry when i came face-to-face with the realization that "laguna beach" will have a third season.
-sloth - i was sloth...ful (?) all day. i sat on my pink couch in complacency, eating an m&m blizzard and watching "sex & the city." ah, sloth.. my old nemesis. you've overcome me once again.
-avarice - i became greedy when i opened my wallet at the mall and saw the cash. and i bought things. and more things. and more things... if only because i could. this shirt is twenty dollars? bah! i wipe my nose with twenty dollar bills now.
-gluttony - i was full of gluttony today. all things in moderation? how about all sloth, all day? there's two in one! i'm a multi-tasker. and i have TWO cuticle trimmers when those less fortunate only have one. moderation, shmoderation.
-lust - we all know that i'm in love with everyone. this one is pretty self-explanatory. i think it started with a joaquin phoenix spread i saw this morning. and by morning, i mean 1:30pm.

see? even though i don't do much, i accomplish a lot. (....thank god i work tomorrow.)

during my solitude today (after my extravagant shopping spree), i got to thinking and chatting, and i realized that there's a lot that i don't know about the people i choose to surround myself with. even people i thought i knew really well, i apparently don't. on some level, i think that's cool - spending time with them becomes more of an adventure, finding out more about them during every interaction. on another level, i feel like a terrible friend/acquaintance because i didn't know these things. let's change this. let's get everything out into the open. comment with something you're sure i don't know about you. it'll get me through the afternoon tomorrow. come on! i just shared the fact that i guess i'm going to hell, you can tell me that you play the banjo and write screenplays and have a passion for bocce ball.

to let you know some quirks about myself, i present to you the shitty things in pop culture i really like that nobody else does.
-gilbert gottfried
-"heartbeat" by don johnson
-the drew carey show
-david lee roth's ego
-michael mcdonald
-steve perry's mullet
-star wars: episode III
-axl rose

learning is fun.

i'm going insane. certifiably insane. and it's because of my new job. yes, it's a good job. yes, i like it. yes, money is good. but it's making me crazy. literally, i'm going crazy. and i truly believe it's because of my hours.

here's how my days off go: i wake up between 2pm and 4pm, then shower. i hit the books and the internet, giving myself a complete crash course in every possible aspect of flash (right now, i'm in the middle of actionscripting, and it sucks) in preparation for my badass opportunity. bam! it's dark outside. my roommates return from school and work. we eat dinner and watch our must see tv shows and maybe a movie (or two). they retire for the evening. i watch late night television and/or movies i've seen a hundred thousand times and hope that the noises upstairs will stop soon. i stay awake until 4am or 5am or sometimes even 6am, and then i sleep until my foolishly hopeful alarm goes off at 8am - the time i used to get up at to go for a run. i turn off my alarm, roll over, and sleep until 2pm or 4pm. and the cycle starts over.

this has caused me to become very antisocial, because most of my waking hours fall during my peers' class times or when they are sleeping. i've forgotten how to form simple sentences. for example, i tried to tell kecia that i had transferred her bill engvall pictures from my camera onto my computer, and i literally had to try three different times before i could actually get it out. and it involved a lot of pointing. keeping to oneself is probably good for awhile, but i'm going nuts. i need more interaction than an AIM conversation that consists of "i'm going to bed."

i'm also becoming emotionally erratic. i cried tonight at the new video ipod commercial that features u2. i screamed at minnie (the cat that thinks it lives here) today to "get the fuck off my porch, dumbass." i spilled a glass of water in the living room and laughed. and then teared up.

i've taken to transcribing metal songs to my ukulele, biting my nails, and talking to myself out loud. i've started awkwardly chuckling at things that are not funny, talking smack about people i like, and trying on every piece of clothing i own. worst of all, i've developed an intense staring problem. my patience and energy levels are zapped. i don't even find myself clever or witty to the degree that i used to.

i think the lack of sunlight is what's really getting to me. i feel like a vampire or a security guard. i miss the daytime. while there is something very comforting to me about the night, i think i need a day spent basking in the sun to revive myself. or maybe a stiff drink.


weekly crush: paul rudd. scruffy, yet nerdy. like, on conan that was on last night.

weekly 5
theme: songs i can listen to absentmindedly (because i can't seem to focus lately).

1. the postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight (give up)

2. the arcade fire - crown of love (funeral)

3. wilco - i am trying to break your heart (yankee hotel foxtrot)

4. oasis - cast no shadow ((what's the story) morning glory?)

5. imogen heap - hide and seek (speak for yourself)


this may have come off as snobby hipster music. but it's cool. right?

dear god i need some kind of stimulation.

Hello, blogorinos! Anne has asked me to do a second blog, and I can't say "no" to Anne... ever.

Anyway, let's talk about bars. Since Anne recently became employed at a bar and I recently turned 21, it seems to be an appropriate subject.

So last weekend I went to Beaver Dam, WI via Madison to visit Marc, my boyfriend. Being a square, I took advantage of the "STATE STREET IS AWWWWWWWWESOME!" kids, vaguely nodded my head in agreement, and promply vacated the party zone.

But before I left, Marc and I stopped at a little eatery called TGI Friday's (you may have heard of it) where we met up with a friend of his. Since it was FRIDAY at TGI FRIDAYS (ha ha), it was rather crowded. Therefore, we had to wait for a table with one of those cool vibratey, flashy, table-be-ready things and while we waited (and since I had just shared an awkward six-hour car ride with complete strangers) I said, "Let's sit at the bar!" (more specifically, I said, "I need a drink!")

Turns out I didn't need a drink. Turns out we were the youngest, hottest people at the bar by default. That's not fun. It's like winning a race against an eighty-year-old in a wheelchair. You can't take pride in a thing like that without feeling like a terrible person in the process. Also, I am certain we liked each other more than anyone else there.

Now, we weren't carded and I can't tell if this was the bartender's touching attempt to not make us stand out any more than we already did, or because Marc's gnarly face-moss made him think we were 30.

I just feel a little ripped off at the relative disappointment with the bar scene. As a Wisconsinite, I am used to bars on every street corner. Pissing away my hard-earned dollars is not only accepted but expected; yet every time I've sat at the bar and ordered my very own drink, I've felt like I got to sit at the grown-up table for the first time at Thanksgiving, only it's NOT COOL.

The weird thing is, it's JUST BARS that freak me out. It's something about being elevated. I'm sure of it.


renee is so snarky that i had to spice up anniemosity.com with a little more of her take on the world. to read more, visit her livejournal. anniemosity.com will return to its regularly-scheduled blogging tomorrow.

So there I was, just sitting there at my computer when an AIM messenger window pops up. "What's this?" I ask myself, and I soon was greeted with a hello from our esteemed web mistress Anne, asking if I would write a guest blog for her world-renowned site. After some careful soul searching, I agreed, and so our journey began.

But now I was faced with some real questions: Am I the kind of guy that writes a blog? What the devil am I going to blog about? Who would ever disagree that "Papillon" was a sweet movie? Do these shorts make my ass look big? All of these questions were whirling inside of my head, when suddenly all the answers came to me.

I knew what I must write about. It was something that was seared into my mind, as I imagine it is seared into others as well. And so, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN I present to you... CUPID!!!!!!!!!!

(hold for applause... or shrieking... either way.)




So this is what I wore for my Halloween celebration. As I look at this picture, a few things come to mind. First of all, my nipples are quite petite and I can't seem to get past that. Second of all, only one crazy mother fucker would wear that shit out in public. Third of all, this all-pasta diet may be catching up with me.

I have to admit that this costume was a rousing success and was undoubtedly remembered by all who saw it, no matter what their level of intoxication. I've also decided that there are five things that happened as a direct result of my wearing that costume.

1. Somewhere a mother looked at her gothic son who just shaved the dog bald and said, "Well, could be worse... you could still be running around in a diaper..."
2. 7 to 13 angels lost their wings.
3. 46 individual people did a double take.
4. Cheese sales plummeted in eight countries, leaving analysts baffled.
5. Four hours north of Duluth, my dad and mom looked at each other and said, "Our son just did something stupid."

Well folks, that's about all the time that I have for today, so I'm going to get out of your hair. Remember... no matter how bad the day seems, no matter how unattractive you feel... I went around in a damn bed sheet wrapped up like a diaper!!!!!

Peace kids,
Buegs

buegler is one of anniemosity.com's very favorite people in the entire world, and we at anniemosity.com fully support his decision to wear this wonderful costume, and yes, "papillon" is an excellent movie. buegler currently does not have a blog, but anniemosity.com would like to start a petition for him to get one.

i'm really sorry, remaining guest bloggers, but i'm going to bump you back a day because, well, i'm paying for this blog. actually, i'm not. blogger is free. that's not the point. here's my story.

i was an hour late to work because of a miscommunication. bad.

then, somehow in the hustle-and-bustle of being a cocktail wench, i lost twenty dollars worth of tips. bad.

so i was having a rough night. i had been on my feet for five hours, had three men tell me they loved me, two men grab me for a few grope-tastic hugs, and one guy tell me the measurements of his genitalia. and i lost twenty dollars. and i gave an old man my last cigarette.

after the bar had finally been vacated, my boss takes me out the back door, hands me a cigarette, and tells me to "watch the fucking door. don't let anybody in." whatever, i thought. i lit up, exhaled the beautiful poison, and breathed in the deliciously cold air.

and then i heard it. it wasn't a thunk!, it wasn't a bam!, and it wasn't a crack!, but it was some kind of mix of the three. i peeked down the dark sidewalk to find out where this bizarre sound was coming from.

a man was on the ground, his head in his hands, screaming. he stood up and stared at the big guy across from him. all of a sudden, he leaps at him, fists flying, and thunk!-bam!-crack!, clocks him in the side of the face. the guy got to his feet and lunged at him, grabbing him around the neck and pulling him into a headlock. the small crowd of girls around them jump back about five feet. one of the guys was gushing blood from the head. everyone was screaming.

i couldn't believe it. i ran inside and grabbed a bouncer. "there's a fucking fight out there!" i cried, half ecstatic, half freaked the fuck out.

"i know," he said. "is someone watching the back door? don't let anyone in!" he said. i raced back, followed by two other servers and my boss. we stood there and watched the fight that was now raging all over the sidewalk. the stupid girls started getting involved..... one of the guys took his shirt off (...someone needed a back wax terribly...) and threw it in the other guy's face... and all the thunk!-bam!-crack!s....

as a girl from the heart of suburbia, this was the most exciting thing i've ever witnessed (shy of summer of '03, when jack white walked onto the stage in those black & red spandex pants). "it's like cops, but... real life!" i said like an awe-struck five-year-old.

"second one this week," my boss said, unimpressed but seemingly hypnotized. as the fight ended by guy #1 being shoved into a speeding car by his much weaker buddies, one of the servers shook her head and said, "that's superior for you."

to round out my night, i got an amazing amazing amazing amazing amazing job offer from a local badass business, and i'm snapping that shit up like.... something that snaps shit up fast.

these two events (the fight and the amazing job) almost make up for the twenty dollars i lost tonight.

almost.

actually, no, i'm still pretty pissed about that.

I say inappropriate things when I'm drunk all the time.

I don't know where it comes from. I just don't have that filter most people have. You know that one... where you casually think about things before you say them? Yeah, I don't have that. While I'd like to say that as I've gotten older, I've become better at filtering things... I'd be flat out lying if I did, because, as of lately, it's gotten worse.

I got in a yelling match with a homeless guy on the corner as I was sitting in a taxi waiting at a red light coming from downtown Minneapolis. I don't remember much of what was said, or how it started, but a lot of swear words word exchanged. My British friend Adam was embarrassed, and the taxi driver thought it was hilarious.

If you're a frequent Anniemosity.com visitor, you've probably heard the story where I got in a fight with a homeless man in a wheelchair on Superior St. Anne tells the story as if I started it, but he was swearing at someone, and Anne and I were the only other people on Superior since everyone else was at the Trampled by Turtles show at Luce.

The following night at a party, I allowed a group of guys to use the word "cunt." They couldn't believe that they met a girl who would allow such a thing. As we sat on the balcony chain smoking, we called everyone who walked into the party "cunts." We sat for good hour smoking cigarettes, trying to think of a word that was worse then "cunt." We couldn't think of one. We then proceeded to walk through the party calling everyone we saw a cunt.

The last time I was in Duluth, I managed to make an ass of myself in front of a whole lot of people; a whole lot of people that shouldn't hear such words. As Anne and I were parting ways with Joel in front of Red Lobster, where people were coming and going and hanging out, I managed to yell out very clearly "I'M YOUR BITCH!" All of the families! All of the children! Those poor poor parents.

Over the Halloween weekend, my friends and I stumbled our way back to my apartment and decided to take the scenic route through Dinkytown. We ran into your typical-looking college guy who wanted to guess what we all were. He gets to me and goes, "You're the Tin Man!" Of course, I was horribly offended (because I was, in fact, a robot). When it was our turn to guess what he was, I quickly blurted out, "You're a piece of shit in a North Face jacket!"

Someday I'll learn to filter, but until then, I'll keep blogging about it.


today's guest blogger, samantha, enjoys curse words of various kinds at various volumes. to read more obscenity-riddled stories that are guaranteed to make you fucking smile, visit her blog.

anniemosity.com, i feel like it's been forever since we've talked. how are you?
i'm doing well, thank you. i'm home by myself again tonight because the roommates are all doing theater-type things, so there's no fighting for the remote. i'm a little lonely, though. but i've got carrie, samantha, charlotte, and miranda to keep me company for awhile.

how's the new job going? i'm dying to hear about it.
the new job is going well, and i'm actually having a great time. the girls are nice, the job is fun, and i get to talk with the most interesting people. really. sunday night, i talked with a japanese man about his singing career (he was hired to sing at the japanese equivalent of mayoral rallies), and i talked with an aging freelance actor - slash - hardcore history buff. the propositioning and the sleazy come-ons haven't even been bothering me. it's going well.

what else is new with you?
i'm getting better at watching horror movies. this is really something i've been wanting to work on, so having kecia force me to watch some has been quite beneficial. i made it through our halloween feature with my eyes closed only half of the time. and i watched bravo's "scariest movie moments of all time" with my eyes open the whole time. i did well, children. i'm getting leagues better. maybe i'll be able to watch the movie tonight all the way through. (if carissa is reading, her commentary is not needed. i'm getting better.)

well, what's the next scary movie on your agenda?
wait until dark with audrey hepburn. i can't wait to rent this movie. i'm also thinking about seeing the exorcist because that kind of movie scares me the most. if you have any suggestions for a gal who's just breaking into the scary movie genre, please leave them in the comments, because i'm really starting to get into this. slowly.

anything else we'll need to know to tide us over until we get to talk to you again?
i'm working thursday, friday, and saturday nights, so if you'd like to come visit me, i'd really like that. also, i bought some amazing pants, a really hot shirt, and the retribution gospel choir/no wait wait split with my tip money. it's very exciting to have some kind of an income again.

oh yeah, who do you have a raging crush on this week?
james hetfield from metallica. go figure.

weekly 5+
theme: songs i've been playing way too much this week.

1. low - silver rider (the great destroyer)

2. red hot chili peppers - tear (by the way)

3. sondre lerche - sleep on needles (live) (faces down)

4. soundgarden - black hole sun (superunknown)

5. michael bublé - that's all (s/t)

if anyone has any information on when low tickets for the first ave show in december go on sale, that would also be appreciated. i will be at that show.

our next group of next bloggers begin tomorrow.
and i like this new blue color.

How's my little double-platinum featured friend blogger?

Today is devoted to music of the past. MY music of the past, in particular. Back in the day, I used to call myself musically deprived, but now I would consider myself far from that. Now here is your window into my past musical life...

I used to just be satisfied with simply whatever my mom had on the radio and the two Disney Christmas tapes that I had. Then one day my mom got a CD player and that was like an excuse for her to start listening to more music. At this time, I was apparently I was listening to the likes of the Beatles and 10,000 Maniacs, even some Hair and Bread. I didn't know any better; it was background music during breakfast.

One day, my brother Brian opened my eyes. He said, "Here, listen to this." It was Vanilla Ice. I instantly fell in love. My mom heard me listening to this "rap" music and quickly rewound the tape and handed it back to my brother. I was devastated.

In the spirit of rap music, I retaliated and purchased my first CD ever, the "Beauty and the Beast" soundtrack. Oh, did I love that so much. I thought soundtracks were the only way to go. Eventually, I had amassed enough soundtracks from Disney movies; I bought my first "real song" soundtrack....

....pause for effect....

..."Space Jam." Everyone who was anyone had the "Space Jam" soundtrack, and why? Because it was classic. Hell, Bugs Bunny even rapped a song on it. It was a dream come true. This "real song" soundtrack thing really opened my eyes, and I eventually started collecting them from everywhere: "Batman Forever," "EdTV" (still haven't seen the movie), "Armaggeddon," and "End of Days." I didn't really even care that individual artists had their own albums with lots of good songs on them... just as long as I had my soundtracks.

This all changed on one wonderful Christmas. My mom and dad picked me up an album by a band that was growing in popularity at the time: Green Day. The album was Insomniac (the one with "Brain Stew" on it). I instantly fell in love and bought their first album called Dookie. That is what began my descent down my trail of my current music loves, which span from Rachel Yamagata to Rob Zombie to Death Cab for Cutie, Dave Matthews Band, and Alkaline Trio.

A few people and organizations I would like to thank for developing my current music tastes are:
-My mom
-My sister
-Jon Skrip
-Napster
-Kazaa
-OurTunes
-Warped Tour
-and of course, anniemosity.com.

tony jay is today's guest blogger and the nicest art major i know. to hear more about his severe love for billie joe armstrong, his severe hatred of large sunglasses (which anniemosity.com does not see eye to eye with), and all-around commentary on the world, visit his blog or his xanga.