(*note: names in italics have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty.)

i know that the burning question on every new employee's mind is one and the same.

"what would i do if my boss/supervisor/manager/authority figure, after hitting on me all week, spontaneously proposed to me?"

well, ladies and gentlemen, there is finally someone you can talk to, if -- nay! when -- this situation happens to you. that person is me.

so gather round, and i will tell you what happened.

rufus, my supervisor, has been hitting on me since monday. nice enough guy, totally not my type. those who know me know my type... so it's pretty easy to imagine what rufus is like. which isn't a bad thing. to put it more ambiguously (and yet somehow more specifically), rufus is much more pelowski's type, except slightly more awkward in everyday conversation. he's a whiz at the job, though.

anyway, rufus has been getting slightly more bold with every passing day. on monday, it was not really enough to notice more than minimal flirting that could easily have been his idea of being helpful and nice to a new employee.

on tuesday, it was noticeable. not a huge deal, but it was definitely there. my co-worker leonard took me aside at lunch and said, "so rufus is taking a pretty solid liking to you, eh?" i responded with a strong "bah," but definitely noticed it more now that someone other than me had observed it.

today, however, was ridiculous.

first, he would not leave me alone all day. i'm trying to do my job, and as much as i appreciated the distractions between calls, it was really hard to concentrate on my pitch, and i lost not one, but two sales in the verification status because of him, resulting in a tally for the day of ZERO! zero.

at one point in the afternoon, i got excited about al franken appearing in the wall street journal today. "you listen to talk radio?" rufus asked me. "air america, yes," i replied. "wow," he responded. "that's... that's awesome. you like _____, you watch ______, you listen to _____, you know, i don't meet many girls like you." [fill in the ____s with things you know i would like. you know me.]

"well, i am one of a kind," i said, being my usual egotistical self.

"if only you were six years older," he responded, wistfully.

i got an eyebrow raise from leonard from across the cubicle walls.

later on, we were talking about an obscure television show that my brother and i watched faithfully. rufus was thrilled to hear that i had watched it... thrilled to the point of tom cruise-style love, to which he burst forth with a "please please please marry me right now."




so if, and when, your boss/supervisor/manager/authority figure spontaneously proposes to you, you should immediately start working underneath his best friend franklin.

and i do mean underneath.


ahahaha! ba-zing! my reputation preceeds me, even here.

(this is a gratuitous picture that will make sense by the end of the post.)

i may have only been actually on the job for a total of three and a half days, but i have learned an awful lot in this period of time. let me share these things with you to better your professional life, because believe me, they will. these will be shared in list form once again, because i'm addicted to lists.

#1: never underestimate the importance of hold music.
hold music. you know... the music you use while you put people on hold. this is very important. on average, i spend a good 40% of my day on hold, and i listen to a lot of crappy muzak. however, some random musical gems have come through to truly brighten my day. it makes my calls go so much more smoothly because the client has metaphorically "buttered me up." for example, i've heard whitney houston's "how will i know" (which, by the way, if anyone has it, hook me up), bill withers' "use me" (hell yes), the who's "squeeze box" ("in and out and in and out.." i actually bonded with a co-worker over this. a weird, weird, weird co-worker), and "as long as you love me" by the backstreet boys. that one temporarily shocked me back into seventh grade, and it was great. but the greatest one of the day today was "hold me now" by the thompson twins. luckily enough, i was on hold for long enough for me to get through half of the first verse, an entire chorus, and half of the second verse. because this call was made after 4pm, i was able to sing along with this one, and guess what! a sucessful call was made, and three people's dispositions improved. i tell you -- it makes all the difference in the world.

#2: be nice.
seriously. it seems ridiculously obvious, but i can't overstate the importance of it.
i got called a spiteful and bitterly vulgar name today. (per request of "Jesus Christ" in my previous post, i am going to withhold the name i was called, but it is not one i stand for.) i stared my supervisor down and took a smoke break to calm myself down. was there any need for that? no. no there was not. seriously.
all right, so i'm still not over this one.
and it brings me to number three.

#3: people are stupid. oh, and they're ignorant too.
this is universal. this will not only help you in your professional life, but in your personal life as well. once you come to accept this fact, you will be a lot less angry and less likely to explode.
want to hear an example?
a co-worker of mine today called someone with a very similar name to robert redford. the name was so similar that three surrounding employees (myself included) perked up and said "robert redford????"
this girl (fresh out of high school) says, "no. who's robert redford?"
we were quite surprised, so we were attempting to mention some of robert redford's movies. the sting. butch cassidy & the sundance kid. the way we were. the great gatsby. out of africa. indecent proposal. spy game. the horse whisperer. wasn't he in bridges of madison county too? man, i should know that. anyway, we mentioned all of these movies, and she stared at us blankly.
and then comes the response.
"was he in legally blonde?" she asked.

people are stupid. it happens. whatever.

coincidences happen, too. weird weird weird coincidences. if dan sarles is reading this, he'll know what i mean. if he's not... well, he'll still know what i mean... but then nobody else will... and this was pointless.... oh god i'm still so awkward...

so uh.... yes. and... okay.

so the black-eyed snakes are apparently playing in a park on friday night. legendary. and samantha scott, badass extraordinaire will be visiting this weekend. epic. the lovely and talented eric buegler will also be here. brilliant.

i should have stopped blogging about five minutes ago.

it's been some time since i've had the opportunity to blog. one may think that i would have a lot of catching up to do. in my life, that's just not true. i worked my first week at my new job. i had my first full day performing my duties. the camaraderie has begun with my snarky-ass co-workers. and i got my mug (which is the only thing i'm allowed to drink out of, ever), which my training group has been pumped for since monday.

other than work, this week has been chock full of nothing. it's been nearly two weeks since jason & i finished our red project, and the green one is nearly complete, but there will be significant back-tracking, seeing as i basically became some kind of totalitarian regime and overtook the entire green project. i'm publicly apologizing for this, jason staab, and we'll both re-do this. unless i hate your ideas. then it's all me, baby.

last night, the main attraction was "the mothman prophecies." when sarah and marissa announced this was the feature presentation, i was not exactly thrilled. the only reason i was excited about it at all was because i remembered that low has a song on the soundtrack, and i was hoping to hear it in the movie. a third of the way through, i was completely lost. "what the fuck is going on?" i said, breaking the silence (because the first half of the movie barely has any dialogue, which can be cool, but in this case was pretty damn confusing). shrugs and "i don't know"s echoed my befuddled sentiments. we made it through the whole movie (with one necessary but badly-timed 15-minute break) and i still can't tell you what it was about. i can roughly outline the plot, tell you that richard gere gets angry a lot, and mention that the cinemetography was pretty sweet, but beyond that, i don't have a fucking clue what happened in that movie.

so here it is. i'm pissed at you guys, i'm not going to lie. i uploaded some great songs for you last weekend and told you to do the same for me. i provided you a link to the free hosting service and i think i even said please. did anyone do it? no. i didn't know if i should even do it this week, you greedy bastards.

while i was considering not doing it, i thought, wwjd? jesus would continue to upload his songs for his friends, despite their lack of reciprocity. so here's your fucking sunday 5, which has morphed from "my top five songs of the week" into "songs you fucken need." and do the right thing.

the sunday 5
1. imogen heap: hide and seek.
this song is epic. acapella, one woman, multiple vocal layers, distorted to perfection. used on the season finale of "the o.c." during caleb's funeral and created the parallel for the scene where marissa shot trey. uh.... sorry if you haven't seen that yet and i just wrecked it for you..... uh... anyway, it's perfect for melancholy days or drunken depressed nights.

2. prince: my name is prince.
prince is just the best artist on the planet. you can't argue against this. go ahead and try it, but you won't win. you can't do it. prince is the best. this song is kind of like him introducing himself, saying that although he's the greatest guy ever and that god created him personally, he's no better than us, but really, he is. plus, you gotta be prince before you're king, anyway.

3. electric six: gay bar.
i love this guy's voice. i love their sense of humor. i love their driving guitars and stupid, senseless lyrics.
actually, the only real reason i'm putting this one up here this week is for the beautiful and talented kristen pederson, in hopes she'll run across this blog from her texan residence and remember laying in the grass with me & renee in the most awkward spot on campus. it's also a personal reminder of the look on wil's face when he first heard it.
and it's a good tune.

4. the police: so lonely.
best song by the police. it is. and the bass line is so badass.
so, funny story. my brother and i were listening to this song and discussing how cool the bass line is, especially during the key-changing bridge part. i got so caught up in the song that i exclaimed, "GOD, i love that!! who plays the bass for this group? they're brilliant!!" my brother looked at me and just shook his head.
and then i remembered that it's sting and felt shame and embarrassment.
anyway. great song. i can listen to this one pelowski-style (which means a million times in a row every day for three weeks).

5. blues traveler: hook.
you all remember loving this song. nobody didn't like this song. i remember hearing this for the first time and thinking how hardcore this guy was about the blues. nobody rocked it blues-style like blues traveler in the mid-90s. plus, i just realized that this song has the same chord progression as pachelbel's canon, which makes it even more sweet. when he really gets going with that harmonica at about 3:05.... and then when he kicks the shit out of the vocals at about 3:30... are they still around? does anybody know? i need more blues traveler. they are so underrated. i love these guys. god.

i apologize for the unnecessary amount of curse words in this post, but i am apparently becoming more vulgar by the day.

also, i keep dreaming about eggs. is that weird?

there is a fine line between good salesmanship and being just plain pushy. the line is becoming more blurred by the day.

there is a fine line between preparation and scare tactics. that line is often jagged and twisted, especially between the hours of 11-noon and 3-4pm.

there is a fine line between honest encouragement and blowing sunshine up someone's ass. this specific line, despite how fine, has been very very clear.

there is a fine line between criticism and insults. this line is one that is traveled blindly here, hoping you don't offend anyone at the same time that you don't really care.

there is a fine line between professionalism and totalitarianism. this one basically doesn't exist.

there is a fine line between "thinking outside the box" and "just plain bullshit." i have yet to understand this line.

there is a fine line between perseverence and stupidity. i've had issues with this line before and am hoping i won't make the same mistake again.

before i begin, i want to point something out.

i was checking my site meter yesterday and ran across something:




that's no coincidence, friends. that's what's called fate.

for those not in the loop, my very first website was "two-twentytwo.com," prompting me and numerous others to think about it at that special time... or when they pass the special mile-marker... or whenever "two twenty two" comes up.

my first website was a beaut. i was just starting out, so it was experimental and magical. i have a soft space in my heart for that light blue background and my black johnny cash tribute. beautiful.

* * *

so you won't believe what happened today.
i walked into my first day of work a normal girl. i left the building a changed individual.
what happened? the wall street journal happened.

i am in no way biased towards this publication. i mean, i have a bit of a love affair with the news that borderlines on an obsession, but the journal was something i never really cared about reading. well today i had to read it for a good five hours, and i was not looking forward to it. why would i want to read something all about stocks and bonds and finance and real estate and blah blah blah? seriously, a newspaper that has the rates of gold? and beef? no. not for this girl.

i was so freaking wrong. this paper is amazing. there's no bullshit. (well, except for an essay in the special health section today... it had so much promise, but there was a lot of bullshit.) they get right to the point. it's so full of news and tips and this and that... i have a headache, and i honestly think it's wsj-related.

i think i learned more today than i did in my first two years at umd, no lie. for example, i learned all about psychopharmeceudicals. i learned that the price of crude oil is $20 more than it was a year ago.

i also learned that 30% of women between the ages of 80-102 have sex regularly, while the percentage for men of the same age bracket is 65%.

see? impress your friends.

i am so cultured i don't know what to do with myself.

it's been a nice weekend. that slithering hussy pelowski graced our lovely town with her dirty presence just in time for grandma's marathon... the one day of the year where duluth feels a bit like a smaller version of new york city. except shitty country music is blaring from the speakers that line canal park and seven people stop you on the street and ask you how to get to grandma's (even though you happen to be standing in its parking lot). the weather was perfect, however, which is good. it made me feel bad for cursing the runners and praying for rain. (there's a story to that, but it's not important. just assume i'm a bitch.)

there are two things of importance today.

per request, i've decided to post/upload my five most-listened-to songs of the week, because a) i'm nice like that, and b) you all need to listen to my music. i'm going to call this recurring post the sunday 5. i need some sort of new recurring theme, seeing as twenty minutes of anniemosity fizzled out pretty quickly (which was probably for the best... it wasn't even holding my attention, much less, yours.)

the sunday 5.
1. the white stripes: the denial twist.
--the only good tune off their new album. i'm so disappointed. i'm still going to see them in august and i still love jack white more than words, but god, this album is not what it should be. this song is hot, though. hot. as hot as jack used to be. hottie mchotterson. um................ it's hot.

2. outkast: southernplayalisticadillacmuzik.
--old-school, ghettofabulous outkast is as cool as the new-school, hip outkast. this is one of those songs that you'll find yourself humming the chorus to as you're making ramen and wonder what the hell it is and where the hell it came from and why the hell you're not listening to it right now.

3. guns 'n roses: rocket queen.
--i heard this song on a local cock rock station this weekend and forgot what a good tune it is. it may seem like a cliché guns 'n roses song, but slash shows his six stringed prowess in a way that's required listening, despite axl's orgasm-like noises in the background. the change in the song comes about 4 minutes into the song, so if you're bored, wait it out, because it's worth it.

4. the beatles: she's leaving home.
--the last song i listened to in the 217b apartment. fitting. a beautifully melancholy song. (plus i'm really impressed by the high notes these boys can hit.)

5. magnet (feat. gemma hayes): lay lady lay.
--a cover of bob dylan's song for the "mr. & mrs. smith" soundtrack. the strings, the horns, the male voice... it's... it's nice. it's pretty. it's sweet. i dig it, despite gemma hayes.

i wanted to put up "my michelle" by guns 'n roses because that was played in high rotation this week, but i don't want to overwhelm you with too much axl. maybe next week.
feel free to upload songs for me. reciprocation is nice, as is yousendit.
i also like knowing what other people listen to. that's why the celebrity playlists on itunes are cool. (that, and their liner notes are pretty fucking hilarious sometimes. best excerpt ever, care of sammy hagar's playlist: "mas tequila" by sammy hagar & the waboritas -- favorite drinking song." ass.)

so the other piece of importance today is this:



i like to call it the swing of truth.

it resides on our front porch, and whether you're sharing a cigarette, recovering from the best superhero movie you've ever seen, attempting to drunkenly focus on the dim stars in the dark sky, or basking in the warmth of the sun on the most beautiful day duluth has had for a long time, serious bonding happens. it's a phenomenon that cannot be explained or denied. i've learned a lot about numerous people while sitting here, and i really feel that it's because of the swing. perhaps the wood is from an old family of enchanted trees, flowing with sap that could be extracted into some kind of truth serum. while i'm not one hundred percent sure if that's true or not, it's a fact that with each uncomfortable squeak of the metal chain, you will feel more and more at ease telling me your dark pasts, obscure fetishes, secret vendettas, and/or the current state of your bizarre obsession with pauly shore.

of course i cannot repeat the information i've learned in the swing of truth, but believe you me, you'll spill your secrets the second your bottom hits that wooden frame (maybe the second after, because everyone always looks to the overhang it's attached to and says, "is this really safe?").

i start my new job tomorrow, so i should probably take the time to do absolutely nothing while i can.

clifford out.

aside from getting a job, i've done nothing this week.
well, three important things have happened.
tuesday night i saw "batman begins."
wednesday night i saw "batman begins."
yesterday afternoon i saw "batman begins."

this is all true.

the relationship between "haircolor" and "fun" is something i've always written off as a myth. blond, brunette, red, pink, blue, green, whatever, no relation. i've been recently re-thinking this, however, when someone brought to my attention that i haven't been blond for awhile.

to visually demonstrate my eventual point, here is a timeline of my haircolor-to-fun ratio, scaled one to ten (one being multiple viewings of "boat trip" and ten being u2 and the red hot chili peppers co-headlining a benefit concert just for me).

birth: black hair. i don't remember birth as being "fun," but i also don't remember birth as being not "fun."
average fun level: 5.

pre-k: red hair. naturally red hair is hard to come by, so that deserves points within itself. also, life is pretty solid at this age, despite my general lack of communication skills.
average fun level: 8.

kindergarten - sixth grade: the red fades to a brilliant blond. i mean brilliant blond. the kind of blond that girls pay ungodly amounts for and can never quite reach. in this period of time, i learn the multiplication tables with marshmallows and am exposed to the wonders that are the oregon trail and number munchers.
average fun level: 7.

seventh grade - ninth grade: the blond becomes slightly darker and less covet-worthy. this is junior high, and nobody liked junior high.
average fun level: 3.

tenth grade - twelfth grade: blonder than most, but still not the blond of my youth. high school holds a decent amount of fun, but in the bad ways (until the wdby/mv switchover, that is). get my heart broken, start smoking, steal construction equipment, and co-create a website about how our band teacher is the devil. mounds view was a better choice.
average fun level: 4.

freshman year, first semester: same ol' blonde, but much more fun. (seriously, sharing a stomach of steel with koegel and battling to the death over petty things with pelowski? not much beats that.) getting into the swing of school and attempting to balance alcohol vs. class was a struggle that can't exactly be described as "fun," however.
average fun level: 6.

freshman year, second semester: BROWN. the day after i dyed my hair much darker than i could ever remember it being, we went to the party that would come to define everything that became important to us. (also some other pretty important things happened at that party, but there's no need to discuss it here. those poor elementary school kids... and unsuspecting music majors....)
average fun level: 9.

may, june '04: brown. happy. karaoke. hacking. damn.
average fun level: 6.

july '04: rock climbing in colorado for 30 days will do crazy things to a girl's hair color, resulting in a disgusting bleached-out brown - slash - nearly blond.
average fun level: 7.

august '04 - sophomore year: brown. ups and downs. hair color remains a firm brown.
average fun level: 7.

present day: brown, employed, and satisfied.
average fun level: 6.

after careful calculations, here are my results:
average fun level as a blond: 5.
average fun level as anything but a blond: 6.857143

therefore making my point:
haircolor matters, and blonds do not have more fun.

as for a job, i have one.
as for a project, i have quite a few.
as for music, i've got james brown.
as for tom cruise and katie holmes, i say "sick."

clifford out.

i will not lie -- i'm a huge batman nerd, and have been since childhood.

batman has always been my favorite superhero. he was the easiest for me to identify with out of all of the other superheros that i was aware of at the time. he wasn't a mutant or an alien or anything. he was a human -- bruce wayne was human. sure, he had ungodly amounts of money to fund his desire to bring justice to gotham, but he didn't have any special powers that regular people couldn't find within themselves. that's what i really liked... his powers came from himself. that always struck me as incredibly poignant.

i looked up to batman as a kid. i really did. i remember in sixth grade we had to write down two heros we had -- one that we knew, one that we didn't. i put "my dad" and "batman." (i got a lot of shit for it, too.) in eleventh grade, i wrote a paper on how batman was the most believable superhero. (it's a good thing my english teacher was understanding, because that wasn't even close to the original assignment.)

and then came the movies.

the first "batman" movie was great. michael keaton was a good batman as well as a good bruce wayne. the city of gotham was full of thugs and criminals. jack nicholson was brilliant as the joker. and prince did the music. (you know how much prince means to me.)

the second one, "batman returns," was better. dark, scary, and gritty, true to the comics. less joking around (no pun intended). devito and pfeiffer were excellent. that was truly a great movie.

"batman forever" was a different movie altogether. it started to get campier. brighter. and it was a good movie for what it was trying to be. i liked it very much, and i still do. jim carrey and tommy lee jones were perfect in what they did, and while he wasn't as good as keaton, val kilmer wasn't bad. but it was all wrong. this was not what batman was supposed to be.

"batman & robin" is something i find difficulty talking about. it was abysmal. absolutely awful. campy as hell, horrible casting, terrible writing, and don't even get me started on arnold. the entire city of gotham changed from gangster-era architecture and thugs with old-school machine guns to space-age statues and colorful freaks drag racing in the graffitied streets. that is not batman, goddamn it. everything was so wrong. it was so so so wrong.

when i first got wind of a new batman movie, my heart sunk. they were going to milk this for all it was worth, and seeing the last two steps the batman franchise had taken, i didn't think i could handle it. once i heard it was a "prequel" i became more upset because prequels to established stories don't usually bode very well (with the possiblity of "star wars" being the exception).

when the cast was announced, i got a bit more excited. christian bale. liam neeson. michael caine. morgan freeman. cillian murphy. gary oldman. then the promo pictures leaked. bits of the storyline came through the wires. the trailer debuted. the reviews were great. "this had better be fucking amazing," i said, and i meant it. everything was building up my level of anticipation to something that couldn't possibly be reached.

i went into the midnight showing tonight with expectations so high that i thought for sure i would walk out crying in despair.

my expectations were met and -- dare i say -- exceeded.

this movie was sheer perfection. art. brilliance.

i haven't really been able to form a complete sentence summing up my feelings about this movie. it was so good that i want to cry. the good name of "batman" has been restored.












see it.
love it.

i need to sleep because i have an interview tomorrow.

batman.

i just won one hundred dollars at a casino.

that's a third of my monthly rent.

a third of my monthly rent!!

joel and i are each one hundred dollars richer thanks to black bear casino, keano, and the birthdays of all of joel's nuclear family.


that's all i have about today. I WON $100, BITCHES.

there are some things that should happen regularly. i'm not talking about showering or eating or breathing or anything. things that should happen routinely are things like bowling. group movie watching. hiking through chester park with friends. basically, i guess i'm trying to say that i am a fan of any type of social get-together.

then there are some things that should happen occasionally. eating an entire cake, for example. watching a martin lawrence movie is another. maybe making one's bed could fall under this category.

finally, there are things that should never happen... like letting zach pizza take control of the music in any way. or playing texas hold'em with dave after he's been drinking (the boy just has no attention span whatsoever). or partying until 3am when you have to be at work at 5am (poor staab). or letting a certain combination of people drink alcohol together. or attempting to wake dave up two hours after he passes out (that just ain't right).


it's been an eventful weekend. "mr & mrs smith" is worth the matinee price, but not a lot more. (maybe 7, but that's pushing it.) "yellow submarine" is quality, but bizarre as hell.

and i still don't have a goddamn job.

it's getting difficult to keep up with this daily twenty-plus minutes of anniemosity, and i don't even have a job yet.

tuesday and wednesday i talked about music. yesterday i talked about tv. i'm not going to lie, i'm spent. i have no idea what to blog about today. one would think that as an unusually bright and cultured college student that i would have more to talk about than popular culture, but it isn't so. i could talk about me. let's talk about me.

moving into this house has been an interesting process. i should probably rephrase that -- moving out of my apartment, spending three weeks at home, and then moving into this house has been an interesting process. the moving out process was a ridiculous ordeal, which ended up with me throwing all of my stuff into random boxes, trash bags, green suitcases, and gigantic tupperware tubs. these boxes, bags, cases, and tubs ended up in three different places -- the pulchritude palace in duluth, my room at home in woodbury, and my garage at home in shoreview. said boxes etc. have come to duluth in shifts, and as i'm unpacking, i'm finding things in the weirdest places. for example, the plate to my microwave was wrapped up in my bedding. the paper towel holder was in with my electronics. my half-crocheted scarf was sitting in the college democrats collection bucket, nestled carefully in a box between my computer paper and some shoes. it's random as hell.

however, in all the hubub of moving out-moving in, i have lost some things that are near and dear to my heart. for example, my copy of "anchorman" is missing. every single person that reads this blog (that i'm aware of) knows how much i need that movie. everyone knows that movie is a staple of my weekends (not to mention my vocabulary). plus, it was a gift. i fucking want it back.

i'm also missing my beautiful orange heiruspecs poster, with felix looking foxy on it. you guys remember it, right? the one that was hanging above the phone in the old apartment... next to the "bad motherpucker" poster.... by the polyphonic spree poster... by the cork board.... okay, well if you don't know what i'm talking about by now, you must not have paid any attention to where you were. the point is that my poster is missing and now i have bare wall space in my room. i hate bare wall space.

i'm also running across a lot of my old roommates' things. i have about six of pelowski's letters from her grandparents, her spongebob squarepants poster, her vanessa williams drawing, and a lot of her cooking supplies. i have some of kristen's movies, including "dad, the angel, and me," starring the honorable judge reinhold. i have koegel's dvd remote and george forman cookbook.

life is random.

well seeing as i have five minutes left, i have some exciting news.
next sunday, pelowski and i will be seeing the one, the only martin sexton somewhere in wisconsin, for a mere $22. god that's going to be amazing. (it's also fathers' day, apparently.. i hope that doesn't wreck our plans at all... i'm a selfish bitch.)

and speaking of pelowski, she says that i'm letting people push anniemosity.com around, especially in the pictures section... specifically if there are doubles of certain people or things. i'll fix this just to appease her, that slithering hussy. however, the doubles of dave wearing a college democrats shirt will NOT be fixed -- that's staying exactly the way it is. if i had ten pictures of him wearing that shirt, they'd all be up. if pelowski doesn't like that... she can just turn the wrong way onto north 35 on the on-ramp by canal park! oh wait.. i think she already did that once.

i realize what a gigantic waste of time this post was if you've never been to my old apartment or if your name isn't pelowski. i apologize.

maybe this daily blogging thing isn't such a good idea.

whether or not you watch "the o.c." you are aware of its existence. you know it's about snobby spoiled rich high school kids (who look like they're in their mid-twenties) that have unbelievable vocabularies and talk ridiculously fast. the drama is too out-there and coincidental. the acting is straight-up terrible. the storylines are unrealistic (seriously, how much more can marissa cooper go through?) and cliché (the illegitimate child, the short-lived lesbian sub-plot, the "bad boy with a heart of gold," the beautiful people love triangles... you get the idea).

today's twenty minutes of anniemosity post was brought on upon a back-to-back viewing of this show tonight with renee. now, i love this show. as much as i know i shouldn't (for all of the reasons listed above), i watch it faithfully every week. i love its cheesy ridiculous plot twists and lovable yet routinely fallible characters. however, there was something in tonight's second episode that made me gag. ryan (the aforementioned "bad boy with a heart of gold") was getting all hot and heavy with lindsay (a girl at school who may or may not be his half-aunt... yes, even "the o.c." will touch a possible incest storyline)....... so they were making out and they get walked in on by kirsten (ryan's surrogate mother and lindsay's possible sister). fine. whatever.

but they were making out to "open arms" by journey.

"open arms" by journey.
"open arms" by journey.
"OPEN ARMS" BY JOURNEY.

god, it was disgusting. awful. cheesier than having sandy cohen (played brilliantly by peter gallagher) belt out a lyle lovett tune to his wife on their anniversary at the bait shop. god, if you could just see it....

but there are good things about "the o.c." i obviously feel that the good things in this show outweigh the bad. let me outline the good things, because i'm under the impression that the majority of the people that read this blog think that i'm absolutely pathetic for watching this show. (obviously there are those who are excluded, and you know who you are, my "o.c."-obsessed buddies.)

i'm a big fan of numbered lists arranged in no particular order, so here's another one:

five reasons to watch "the o.c."
1. the music.
josh schwartz does an amazing job picking the music for this series. "hide and seek" by imogen heap during the funeral scene in the final episode of the season (and in the last scene of the same episode, making them smartly parallel) was perfect. perfect. it's good music, it's hip music, and it always fits the scene. well done there.

2. the parents.
one thing that sucked about "dawson's creek" and the multiple other teen dramas that have been on over the years was that the drama stayed primarily within the circle of friends that the show was centered upon. "the o.c." sucks the parents and sometimes the entire community into the drama, making it an even more tangled web of lies, deception, sex, drugs, or whatever the drama is about that particular week.

3. julie cooper.
every show in the history of television -- hell, every story ever written has some form of an antagonist. julie cooper is "the o.c."'s main antagonist. she is a lying, manipulative, gold-digging, interfering, conniving, snotty, stuck-up, self-centered bitch. she is solely responsible for nearly half the drama that befalls the main characters in newport. but without characters like this, the drama would be half-assed and boring. plus, she is probably the most interesting character on the show. i absolutely love her.

4. seth cohen.
yeah, yeah, yeah, a cute boy on the show. i am not above being shallow. this guy is hot. and he's funny in kind of an obnoxious way. did i mention he's good looking? he's really good looking. his sarcasm and biting wit are the comic relief for what could be an overly-heavy show. plus, he's hot. did i say that already?

5. peter gallagher's eyebrows.
enough said.

to wrap this up, i'm going to be blunt and say that this show is awful. but everyone needs their share of trashy tv. whether you watch "desperate housewives," "the simple life," or whatever weird reality tv show FOX has put out this week, you've got your something, and you know you do.

don't knock it until you've seen it. i've seen the most strong-willed people get sucked in by the whirlwind that is this television show. you love it, and you know you love it. come out and join the rest of us who love to hate to love "the o.c."

i was asked this morning what my top five favorite songs of all time are.

i said what i always say -- "i can't do that, man." i name about seven of them and say there are a million more and why would you want to make me choose anyway? and then i change the subject.

it didn't work this time. "come on," he said. "favorite songs of all time, top five. do it."

i laughed. "i just told you," i said. there was a long silence. "you seriously want to know?"

"i seriously want to know." i told him i'd think about it and post it on my blog today for my whole "twenty minutes" thing. "it has to be in order," he said. i told him to fuck himself because i wasn't doing that.

so danny b, this is for you.

anniemosity's top five most perfect songs ever.
(uploaded in .m4a format)


1. "kid charlemagne" by steely dan.

i get a lot of shit for listening to steely dan, and i honestly can't understand why. i suppose this is beside the point. "kid charlemagne" is my favorite steely dan song ever and it has a golden spot reserved on my top five list. the song is a brilliantly crafted story of the rise and fall of a drug dealer. the phrasing and articulation is genius. the solo, though, is what gets me. it's been on multiple "best guitar solos ever" list and it just doesn't get enough recognition. the slide into the key change is like a knife to my gut every time i hear it, which, my itunes says is 59 times (but i know it's more). this song is absolutely perfect, from the piano chords that change from major to minor and back, to the three-part harmonies in the chorus, to the line "is there gas in the car?/yes there's gas in the car," to the very last solo that fades into oblivion.


2. "if you want me to stay" by sly and the family stone.

part of me wants to believe that i was a backup singer for sly in a previous life. the sheer funk beat that comes from this guy is something that makes my heart stop beating and realign with it. this song is perfect in its basic formula. bass intro. keyboards. vocals. horns. verse. verse two. interlude. repeat verse two. fade out. that's all. the song lasts not even three minutes. sly isn't bullshitting -- this song is what it is. perfect.


3. "easily" by the red hot chili peppers.

this song... i have issues talking about this song because i love it so fucking much. can i help you understand? do you have any of those songs that make your heart physically feel like it's being pulled apart because of the sheer beauty and perfection? that's what this song is for me. i can attempt to explain it, but i don't know how effective it'll be. the changeover from double time to single time between the chorus and the verse gets me. flea's broken chord progression in the chorus gets me. "the story of a woman on the morning of a war/remind me if you will exactly what we're fighting for," gets me. but the thing that puts it over the top for me is john frusciante's multi-layered solos at the end. his soloing is amazing as it is, but one layered on top of another on top of another and another, and they all work together? it absolutely kills me. brilliant. perfect.


4. "40" by u2.

"war" was a brilliant album. no doubt about it. "sunday bloody sunday." "seconds..." "like a song." "new year's day." everything, solid song afer solid song. and then the pinnacle. the closer -- "40." "40" is about two or two and a half minutes long. the song is unbelievably simplistic at the same time that it is undeniably moving. the lack of drama in bono's voice at the beginning connects somehow with the power towards the end. the edge's completely basic signature guitar style intertwines perfectly with the bass and the pulsating drums. and just as you get into it, it starts to fade out and bam! it's over, meriting another listen. and another. and another. and soon this perfectly simple song becomes a chant in your head. "how long.... how long... how long... how long..." over and over and over and the beauty comes to the surface and overflows and you can't stop singing it and you can't stop listening to it.
i get really excited about this song.


5. "mr. brownstone" by guns n' roses.

you'd think that my last song would fit in with my semi-poignant theme going on. well, if you know me well enough, you should have seen this coming. everyone knows "mr. brownstone" is my favorite guns n' roses tune and one of my most-obsessed over songs ever. slash's opening and recurring riff. axl's growly voice -- or lack of the shrieking until the end. the punctuation marks throughout the the interlude by drmmer steven adler. it's a great tune. nobody can deny it.

that rounds out my top five and my twenty minutes of anniemosity that actually turned into an hour and a half.

however, it was a great way to spend an hour an a half, as difficult as it was.

and really, it shouldn't have been that difficult, because i'm sure you saw each and every one of these coming.

now you can leave me comments of your top five. it's only fair.

tony pierce is one of my favorite bloggers.

today i re-read his 30 rules of blogging and came to the realization that i am not following very many of them. not to say that i can't have my own blogging style, but there were a lot of things that i felt i should actually do.

like number one: blog every day.

i've also decided that twenty minutes with tony is a pretty solid idea.

so here it is:
twenty minutes of anniemosity.

to begin on a slightly related note, i'm disappointed at my lack of vlogging. i am a good vlogger. i really am. however, my pentium II is the roadblock to a lifetime of vlogging. staab is going to set up a computer down here specifically for the programs that i feel my computer cannot run without imploding, so once that gets going, vlogging will happen. daily. once staab gets off his lazy airport ass and sets it up, you won't know what hit you.

enough about that. on to the interesting stuff.

i'm going to see a show in a basement tonight. that's going to be sweet. i'm a big fan of intimate venues. when i saw haley bonar at the mac (rip) back in september (october? november? fall?), it was really cool because i sat on a couch about five feet from ms. bonar and just chilled out listening to her music. i was right there.

tonight it's going to be al sparhawk. i am a huge sparhawk fan, whether it's low or the black eyed snakes or whether he just rocks out by himself. and now i get to see him play in a basement. maybe we'll get to be good buddies. i'll buy him a sweater at christmastime. he'll name me the godmother of his next child. who knows what can happen?

i still have four minutes left, so this time will be filled talking about unemployment. it just plain sucks. i've had nearly a week with absolutely nothing. sure, i've been making calls upon calls following up on applications, i've been revamping my resume, and i've spent what feels like entire days on careerbuilder.com, paging through the telemarketing and secret shopping opportunities (also known as "last resorts"), but i am literally going crazy. i need a job. i. need. a. job.

this brings twenty minutes of anniemosity to a close.
thank you.

rocks get slanged, bitches get banged.

granted, this phrase was stolen from arek, but it has found a home as the motto of the basement of my home on 16th avenue in duluth. jason and i are keeping a tally of how many bitches we bang in our basement. my count is up to ten (a little excessive, i know, but jason was in the bathroom...) and jason is at a solid negative twenty, which means that the bitches banged him. clayton has also added himself to the tally, with an unbelievable "infinity." i'll keep you updated as the tally changes.

new pictures are coming soon of my life up here. i know you can't wait.

i saw one of my favorite duluthians up here yesterday walking a very short distance from my house. i literally gasped and hid my face and shouted the person's name. joel and jason were slightly freaked out. i would apologize, but i apologize for nothing, bitches.

i suppose i don't really have a whole lot here, but i'm in duluth and i'm very excited about it.

oh yeah.

jack white, who has been my rockstar husband for about three years now, will eventually come back around, lose that weight, cut his hair like he had it, and divorce his new wife karen elson. well all i can say is that i'm cuter. especially with my new haircut.

and now "batman forever" is on. quality. especially the exchange between batman and robin at the climax of the movie:

robin: "the riddler and two face can make a pretty lethal combination. i figured you could use some help."
batman: "two against two are better odds."
robin: "i can't promise that i won't kill harvey."
batman: "a man's got to go his own way. a friend told me that."
robin: "...not just a friend. a partner."

or!

robin: "holy rusted metal, batman!"
batman: "what?"
robin: "th.. the ground! it's all rusted metal and full of holes. you know, holey!"
batman: "oh."

so the dialogue isn't great, but tommy lee jones and jim carrey are absolutely brilliant. (i think this portion of the post is directed at my brother, but i don't know if he actually reads this, so i may just be wasting time and space now.)

..........okay, so my house is great, duluth is great, jack white is great, and batman is great.

two face: "we'll see you in hell!"
robin: "......i'd rather see you in jail."

that's all.