Dear John Mayer,


Thanks for getting hot again.

Now dump the bimbo and we'll talk. I mean, come on:


What's that? What is that? Does she challenge and stimulate you in ways aside from "Well I'm not supposed to look directly at them all the time, what else can I focus on?" I'll bet she embarrasses you when you meet super cool blues men that you collaborate with. "Hey Billy Gibbons, this is my girlfriend Jessica Simpson" -- how do you say that with a straight face? She used to be the hot one, but you are now superior to her in every way. Dump her chicken-or-fish ass, Mayer. Get with someone awesome. You like Corinne Bailey Rae, right? I'd approve of that.

You know, fucking scratch that, I don't even care. Let's take a second look here.


Damn. DAMN. Whatever, do what you want, as long as you look like that forever.

Love, Anniemosity.