T.S. Eliot said that "April is the cruellest month" and in some ways, he was right. April is stressed out and worn down and panicking and tired and the end is near, but not near enough.

After the torchlight red on sweaty faces
After the frosty silence in the gardens
After the agony in stony places
The shouting and the crying
Prison and place and reverberation
Of thunder of spring over distant mountains
He who was living is now dead
We who were living are now dying
With a little patience

Oh god, when when when will it end? This time of waiting it out, jumping through the hoops to get to the place that you know you want to be? It's like torture, waiting for the firebird. It's the fires of hell before the rebirth.

But Eliot seems to have everything figured out. Along with the apocalyptic images comes the solution to our misery.

Datta. Give. Constant taking only breeds greed within ourselves, and constantly wanting more leaves no room for satisfaction and happiness.

Dayadhvam. Sympathize. Stressful times test a the true spirit of a person. Show yourself that you can handle your own stress and keep an affectionate spirit.

Damyata. Control. Be in control of your own life. You'll be much happier.

Bam - bam - bam. It's that simple. Someone close to me, who, I admit, albeit begrudgingly, may be right every now and again, is fond of saying, "It's simple. It's not easy." Truth, truth, Wise Man. Give. Sympathize. Control. Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata.

Eliot ties it all together for us with one word (repeated, of course, for emphasis, as all great writers do) - shantih shantih shantih. Eliot himself says it is "feebly translated to mean 'The Peace which passeth understanding.'" In context with the passage, it can suggest we may know peace by giving up our own needs and "reconciling with the world." Shanti can also translate to a state of being mentally or spiritually at peace, with enough knowledge and understanding to keep yourself strong in the face of stress.

So let's recap. How can we save ourselves from stress and anger and frustration and panic and burnout and despair and despondency? Give up selfishness. Sympathize with others. Control your life. Peace peace peace.

Sometimes I think I should have been an English major. Or a Buddhist. (English major I could handle... Buddhism, probably not so much. I digress.)

The time has come for me to announce that I'm decently happy right now in Onalaska. God, that feels so awkward to say. I needed some time to find myself, and usually people go backpacking through Europe to do that, but I guess it took me some hardcore isolation in a town where you literally have to pass a field of cows to go to the bank.

I know what I want! How weird is that? Direction! Goals! Aspirations! A plan! Jesus Christ, I have a plan. One that might actually work.

Yeah, I still make stupid decisions. Yeah, I still go through deep dark bouts of loneliness. Yeah, I still lose my temper, my patience, my mind. Yeah, I am sick of the isolation and being far far away from where I belong. The shouting and the crying, prison and place of reverberation.

It all comes together. We'll all breathe again. We'll move to a stimulating city and and study what we love and find what we desperately desire, we'll wrap up a hard school year and have some time to celebrate our hard work, we'll finally leave the city that we feel trapped in and move to bigger and better things, we'll move on, we'll grow, we'll be okay. Shantih.