In the world today, there are many death-related mysteries. Who shot Kennedy? Is Elvis still around? But the most pressing matter is the matter of who killed the Notorious B.I.G. (aka Biggie Smalls). No one cares about the Tupac murder because we all know he is alive and well. It was not a police cover up, nor was it a "gang-related incident." No, it was a far more menacing foe: Fonzworth Bentley killed B.I.G.

Tupac was as dead as a door-nail, was dead to begin with; as dead as a doornail. In life, he was partners with a notorious money-lender by the name of Suge Knight. Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Suge Knight! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster. It is said that Suge Knight had gang ties, therefore he is naturally associated with the death of the Notorious B.I.G.

Suge Knight, upset by the death of his friend, began to believe the gospel that Tupac had been preaching, that the Notorious B.I.G. and Sean "Puffy" Combs had set him up to be... "removed." Now, Suge Knight, always putting business first, placed a courtesy call to Sean Combs, accusing him of murdering his friend, and promising to avenge the death by ridding the world of Puffy.

Combs, trying to save his own hide, attempted to make a bargain. He proposed that if Suge Knight were to let him live, Combs would take care of a "B.I.G." problem. Suge Knight accepted the proposition.

Combs set about trying to rationalize how he could make good on his promise without taking the fall himself. All of a sudden, he knew exactly who to turn to. Throughout the years, one man has emerged as Combs' closest confidant, his right-hand man, his sidekick... his bitch. That man:


Fonzworth Bentley.

Combs approached Bentley with some apprehension. He promised Bentley that if he were to do as Combs asked, he would give him a career -- a career in anything he wanted.

"I like umbrellas," Bentley responded. Combs agreed -- how he would incorporate this, he did not know, but he knew Bentley would be the most famous Umbrella Man this side of the Mississippi, if he carried out the plan.

Jump to the night of the murder.

Eyewitnesses claim they saw a skinny black man in a bowtie working the door of the club that the Notorious B.I.G. and Combs had been at that fateful night. This is the actual police artist's rendering of the skinny black man:


Look familiar?


In further investigations, the police later proved that the man in question had deep-rooted gang ties, and, honest to god, drove.... a Bentley. Coincidence? The man's legal name is Harry Billups, but who names their child Fonzworth?

All Combs had to do was make sure that the Notorious B.I.G. was sitting in the correct seat in the correct SUV. The trap was set. The plan was foolproof. The execution was swift. Now the Notorious B.I.G. rests in peace, up on a diamond-encrusted cloud, gazing down upon us, and cursing Fonzworth Bentley for all eternity.

The case was officially closed in 2005, but speculations of the tale will continue to swirl around the case until Fonzworth comes clean. That umbrella-twirling pansy sold his soul to the devil for glory and fame, and he must be brought to justice.

These are the conspiracy theories of DebonERIC (Anniemosity's brother)... a boy who watches far too much VH1. If Suge Knight, Sean "Puffy" Combs, or Fonzworth himself are reading... I'm just kidding.......... don't kill me.