anniemosity: REVOLUTION.

12.30.2006

Happy Holidays! Love, my hosting service.

So there was this one time that I was at Rainbow Foods with Ghey late at night. He was stocking up on some random party foods: four-for-$5 Totinos Party Pizzas (a must), chips, salsa, and limes (naturally -- come on, it's Ghey, he ALWAYS buys limes, even when he doesn't need them for the particular event).

And then we were in the checkout line. After Ghey heinously lied to Miss Samantha Scott about our whereabouts, we waited behind two ridiculously inebriated homos -- and by homos, I mean homosexuals, and by homosexuals... well of course I wouldn't just throw that term around... but these guys were gay. GAY. Gayer than Ghey.

Anyway, these guys were super gay and super drunk. Because it was nearing the holiday season, we were standing right in front of a box of wrapping paper tubes. Can you see where this is going? Drunk Homosexual Number One snakes behind us with inquiries to his buddy of whether or not he should "hit these people." Ghey and I ignored it at first.

"Wait, us?" Ghey asked, realizing who the "these people" Drunk Homosexual Number One was referring to, and glanced at Drunk Homosexual Number Two. DH1 was right behind me, bright green wrapping paper raised over his shoulder, aiming for Ghey. We frantically glanced at DH2 and he made the "he's really drunk" motion, but with a little wink and a giggle.

And all of a sudden, Ghey and I were separated by a bright green tube, tapping Ghey repeatedly in the arm. We looked at each other, aghast, shocked into a bewildered and mute state, eyes wide and mouths agape. And then DH1 decided that Ghey wasn't fun enough to hit. So guess what happened?

Yeah. He decided to start hitting me. He began giggling, DH2 began giggling, and I was dumbstruck and silent. I looked at DH2.. then to Ghey.. then DH1.. then down at the tube.. it seemed like hours. I gathered every bit of restraint in my body, looked DH1 in the eyes, and said, "Have I offended you in some way?"

DH1 immediately stopped, inhaled sharply, squeaked "God, no!" and replaced the tube.

"I'm sorry," DH2 said. "Stop it!" he scolded DH1. DH1 scampered back to his place in line. Ghey and I immediately set our focuses on the tabloids, being careful never to catch each other's eye.

"Batboy's back," Ghey mentioned offhandedly. I "hm"ed and stared intently at the limes.

When DH1&2 had left the premise, the cashier began to ring up our items. I finally broke the silence and said, "So... did I just get assaulted with a tube of wrapping paper?" Ghey began to giggle and agreed that yes, yes, I did. The cashier asked us if we knew the gentlemen, and we answered no, they were just random weirdos.

"They wanted to pay for your groceries," she said, ringing up the limes. A surprised silence bounced between us.

"Well.. we... wh... who... what?" Ghey sputtered.

"Yeah, they wanted to pay for your groceries," she repeated, typing in the code for the limes.

"Hell yeah," Ghey responded enthusiastically, fumbling for his check card (because, as we know, Ghey never has cash). "I would have let them!"

"I wouldn't," I said. "Reciprocity... you know."

"Yeah," the cashier agreed. "You never know with some of these.... weirdos."

Ghey paid for his limes et al., and we headed for the door. I suddenly had a vision of DH1&2 waiting outside, wielding tubes of wrapping paper. I threw my shoulders back and marched with an arrogant stride through the sliding doors.

Well of course they weren't there, but we heard them hooting and hollering in the parking lot.

Most bizarre grocery shopping experience ever.

this is all true. 4:48 PM

Comments:

Anne! This totally made my day. I am laughing and laughing and I love you.

# posted by

Cindy : 9:07 PM

this is a good story.

and of course joel would lie to me.

# posted by

sam : 12:12 AM

of course i would!

anne you told this story very well.

2 eprops

# posted by

joel : 1:24 AM

12.30.2006

Happy Holidays! Love, my hosting service.

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