anniemosity: REVOLUTION.

11.15.2006

God damn it, Britney.

Britney, I'd like to congratulate you on the best decision you've made in nearly three years.

Divorce sucks a lot, but don't worry -- everyone is rooting for you. Did you hear the sigh of relief that echoed across the seas as we all learned of this?

If you properly orchestrate your comeback, the world will welcome you back with open arms. The Prodigal Pop Star returns. It'll be like 1998 all over again.

Hey, you know what would really make it all complete?

Yeah.

Now, Britney, I know that you're scared. I mean, let's face it, you were a mess. A mess. Your idea of romance involved a bag of cheetos. (Is it cliche to say that? Yes. The fact is that it is the TRUTH.) Even your music sucked. I mean, your music was never GREAT, but I will not lie, I owned your first album (come on, I was an eighth grade girl), and I will admit that "Crazy" was a catchy-ass song and that "Toxic" was fucking sweet (and nobody can deny that).

But ever since... well.... THIS:

...well... I mean, I don't mean to rub it in or anything, but you became a joke. A JOKE. A joke. It broke my eighth-grade girl heart.

Remember this?

Look at you!! You are HOT. You are FANTASTIC.

AND NOW?

GOD.

K-Fed ruined you. He RUINED YOU.

Go back to Justin. He's at the top of his game right now (except for Cameron Diaz, who, quite frankly, is nowhere near as attractive as you potentially can be [except for one or two or three photos from her new W spread]) and god damn it, if he can bring sexy back, so can you.

Also, don't let K-Fed worry you. You'll come out on top. And him?

Class all the way.

this is all true. 11:21 AM

Comments:

well done.

a+

# posted by

sam : 3:39 PM

very seldom to pop culture references make me laugh out loud.

GOD.

and j.t. and b.s. might as well get together, because it's fucking hollywood: justin T. and cameron diaz's side boob were going to break up eventually, anyway.

# posted by

renee-nee : 7:44 PM

Diaz > Spears

# posted by

Fat : 8:45 PM

To be fair, her music keeps getting better (the last album was In The Zone, from which Toxic is taken). The thing is, she hasn't made an album since, and if she had it would have been a popozao ridden piece of shit! But now, oh yes, now she will return in a fashion reminiscent of Tina Turner, no nasty husband to keep her down, an independant woman set to take over the world. And, well, we can only hope she gets back with JT. If he brought sexyback, perhaps she'll pull an X-Tina and "Bring ClassyBack"?

HOLLA!

# posted by

ghey : 9:13 PM

Anne this is fucking hilarious! Nice job! :)

# posted by

Laura : 4:40 AM

I think that Federline is the man. I mean, if you can look like trash, knock up Britney Spears, and still have loads of cash after your album bombs, what wrong can you do?

I take that back. He could have gay sex on a webcam.

# posted by

blueskydeluxe : 4:59 PM

11.15.2006

God damn it, Britney.

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