I went to see Crew Jones on Saturday night at the Norshor.

I haven't been to the Norshor since the summer of '04, and the show that I went to was in the theater on the first floor. (I take that back -- I went there for Homegrown '05 to see my friends' band, but they played in that little space by the bar upstairs... and we were only there for forty five minutes or so. I don't think that counts very much.) My group and I walked into the theater upstairs and I was surprised. I felt as though I was about to see some kind of high school theater production... but I had a Premium and a cigarette and Boku Frequency was onstage, so it felt much cooler.

The five of us took our seats, and almost immediately, Samantha "Badass" Scott's hand flew across my face, pointing ferociously to the stage. "STRIPPERS."

Sure enough, two scantily-clad females were onstage, sitting on facing chairs. We all exchanged excited looks. Strippers and a funk band? Hell yeah. And then the girls began their routine.

But I use the word "routine" very loosely. They didn't strip. As I pointed out numerous times, they weren't stripping. They were nearly-naked, but they simultaneously flipped their hair up and down. Every now and again they'd show us their asses or roll around on the ground or lift up a leg, but they basically just chatted with each other.

Now, if you're going to be a dancer, you need to bring it. I need to be impressed. Don't fucking bill yourself as a dancer and then... not dance. Don't just rip your top off and talk to your co-worker like it ain't no thang. BRING IT.

It got old. It got monotonous. We got annoyed. Even the people in front of us started grumbling. I think at one point Samantha started booing. And then someone yelled for Crew Jones, so us being.. well, us, chimed in.

Eventually the girls scampered off the stage and Boku Frequency ended their set. Crew Jones was next, and this meant a drink break and a bathroom break was necessary. Samantha, Pelowski, and I headed down to the bathroom and had an interesting run-in with a fifty year old prostitute who was convinced that she was going to die in a few weeks, but she kept saying how beautiful we were... which we are. (The prostitute part stands as unconfirmed, but I'm convinced of it.)

As we left the bathroom area and entered the "lounge" area, we saw the strippers preparing for their next... "set"? And man, did they look rough under those lights. Samantha and I gave them a polite smile as Pelowski sat on the phone. "Aren't you guys having fun?" one of the girls asked as the other pulled on a slutty nurse outfit. "Isn't this place classy?" I took a gigantic gulp before I shot her a smile and an ingenuine nod. C-L-A-S-S-Y indeed, Skinny McGap Teeth and Slutty Nurse.

But I finally saw those infamous Norshor Titties, complete with a 20-minute Crew Jones set.

Banjones!