There are some fascinating people in my life. I want these people to either develop incredible Capote-like writing skills or hook up with an amazing biographer, because these are people who I long for memoirs from.

One of the many examples is Sammy. Sammy is a DJ at Job #1, and he has gone through a lot in his life already. I have only known Sammy for a total of seven months, but in this short time I've learned that something wholly unbelievable happens to him on a very regular basis.

The first piece to his intriguing story is his luck, or lack thereof. Sammy has the worst luck out of anyone I have ever met. One of the bouncers is fond of saying, "If Sammy didn't have bad luck, he wouldn't have any luck at all," and while I'd really like to punch him in the face if he ever says it again, it's very true. In the last two months alone, Sammy has:
-been arrested for passing out on the sidewalk (while sleeping on a pizza box)
-been jumped walking home and had his collarbone broken
-fallen down his stairs and hit his face on a cement sink
-electrocuted himself

These are just the highlights. Something happens to this kid every week, and most of the time, it's a result of multiple Windsor Diets.

The other thing about Sammy is that he is a very nice guy who tries to get along with everyone... but he does have one enemy.

Frank The Tank.

Frank The Tank is another subject to himself, but I have never seen someone bring out the fires of hell in someone like Frank does in Sammy. One of the more amusing things about this feud is that there is at least a fifty year age difference between the foes. (He's not nicknamed "Old Man Frank" for nothing.) A wiry twenty-five year old has a burning vendetta with an eighty year old man. That, in itself, is extraordinarily amusing.

The other thing that just kills me about this bitter grudge is that it all stems from the fact that Sammy is a DJ and Frank is a karaoke singer. Sammy won't let Frank sing more than three songs, as ruled by our boss, and Frank has been physically threatening Sammy and making special trips to the bar to bitch at the bouncers about Sammy ever since this rule has been enforced. As I've said, one of the things I've learned from this job is that karaoke is very serious business. Every time Sammy comes into the bar to drink, he ends up wishing Frank would show up so he could fight him. Sammy drunkenly stares across the bar at him, wishing Frank would start trouble, and occasionally pounding his chest, trying to intimidate him.

Sammy may be a walking punchline, but.... he tries hard. Maybe he just needs a mother. Last Wednesday, he got up on a very rickety ladder underneath some very heavy speakers and started messing with some very dangerous wires while he was very drunk... and he didn't seem to think this was an issue. He was actually offended when I yelled at him.

Memoirs, guys. Start writing them now. Who knows who will want a copy?