It finally happened today. I had a complete breakdown.

A lot of people saw it coming. My mother warned me on Sunday that I was working an unhealthy amount. Megan's been telling me for the last two weeks that I work too much. My boss at Job #2 has said "How do you do it?" multiple times. I've developed a staring problem, my social skills have plummeted severely, and my hands shake. I told myself that I was fine, I could handle it, it's all good. You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore. Fuck, Stacy works three jobs a day and she's fine. I only work two.

My alarm went off this morning and I hit the snooze button. Ten minutes later, I got into the shower and stared at the floor until I realized that if I was going to be to work on time I should have left five minutes ago. Megan drove me to work and I told myself I was going to talk to my manager about maybe cutting back my hours.

I started stocking wine while my manager finished up a meeting. I was hitting the bottles together because I couldn't keep my hands steady. She asked me what was wrong and I started to weep. I sat in the basement and cried for ten minutes. I cried so hard I couldn't breathe. She sent me home.

Something needs to change. I can't do this anymore. I have no problem working Job #1 every night. I like Job #2 too much to quit. There will be a lot of evaluation in the next few days.



So the breakdown happened, I drank some coffee, and I listened to Radiohead. I'm going to sleep for a few hours, and then spend the rest of the day outside.

Thank you.