I don't want to grow up.

No, I really, really don't. If I could go back to being the four-year-old girl that I was, obsessed with Disney princesses and happily oblivious to the world around me, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Sometimes, I'm very much a child. I still throw little (or gigantic) temper tantrums, I still go crying to my parents with my petty problems, and yes, I still watch my "Sleeping Beauty" DVD and want to be Princess Aurora.

Apparently growing up is something that happens when you're not paying attention to it.

I had the opportunity to make a bad choice after work tonight. No, not even bad, very bad. It was something I really wanted to do. The irresponsible child in me was screaming, "Do it! Do it!" I made the responsible choice and declined. I instantly regretted it, thinking about how "cool" I would have been if I had done it and how much fucking fun it would be.

As I drove home over the bridge and saw the lights of the city, I mentally kicked myself again. What harm would really come of it, anyway?

All of a sudden, I saw the familiar flashing lights of a cop car behind me. I immediately slowed down and turned down my loud music, pulling to the right. The cop flew by me, going after the car ahead of me. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I thought about my decision again and how good it was that I made the right decision. It hit me that one year ago, I would have made the exact opposite decision and god knows I would have enjoyed it, but at a price.

A friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that I was the most mature person that he knows. I took that as a huge compliment because if growing up is the only option I've got, I'd rather be thought of as mature than child-like.

I'm nearly 21 years old (one month and two days, if anyone is counting), and while I feel very young and foolish, I guess I'm doing something right.

(...although I still haven't worked out that one little problem by confronting the person involved. But with maturity comes wisdom, and I feel that perhaps the wisest thing to do would be to let it go. You'd understand.)