i don't know how to delicately put this, so i'm just going to throw it out there.

if you don't know me,
do not grab my ass.

do you really think that it's appropriate to not tip me and then to grab my ass? i mean, sure, i know you're drunk, and yes, it's a picture-perfect award-winning ass, but no amount of alcohol should tell you that this is a good idea.

resist your temptations, gentlemen. i understand, it's difficult. i know i bring you a lot of shots and many a beer, but reaching out and squeezing my booty does not equate to a simple "thank you," or even a buck or two and a wink.

what exactly are you expecting me to do after said ass grab? bring you free drinks? give you my number? tell you what time i get off work and foolishly stand in the cold, awaiting our late-night rendez-vous? believe me, sir, none of these things will happen. frogs falling from the sky is more likely to happen.

the next time you have the urge to pinch perfection, stop and ask yourself -- "is this really a good idea?" the answer is a solid "no."

maybe while you're at it, you could leave me an extra buck. or two.


i'm seeing low tomorrow. not friday. thursday. i'm coming soon, sparhawk. remember me? i'm the one who stutters and cries.