i'm going insane. certifiably insane. and it's because of my new job. yes, it's a good job. yes, i like it. yes, money is good. but it's making me crazy. literally, i'm going crazy. and i truly believe it's because of my hours.

here's how my days off go: i wake up between 2pm and 4pm, then shower. i hit the books and the internet, giving myself a complete crash course in every possible aspect of flash (right now, i'm in the middle of actionscripting, and it sucks) in preparation for my badass opportunity. bam! it's dark outside. my roommates return from school and work. we eat dinner and watch our must see tv shows and maybe a movie (or two). they retire for the evening. i watch late night television and/or movies i've seen a hundred thousand times and hope that the noises upstairs will stop soon. i stay awake until 4am or 5am or sometimes even 6am, and then i sleep until my foolishly hopeful alarm goes off at 8am - the time i used to get up at to go for a run. i turn off my alarm, roll over, and sleep until 2pm or 4pm. and the cycle starts over.

this has caused me to become very antisocial, because most of my waking hours fall during my peers' class times or when they are sleeping. i've forgotten how to form simple sentences. for example, i tried to tell kecia that i had transferred her bill engvall pictures from my camera onto my computer, and i literally had to try three different times before i could actually get it out. and it involved a lot of pointing. keeping to oneself is probably good for awhile, but i'm going nuts. i need more interaction than an AIM conversation that consists of "i'm going to bed."

i'm also becoming emotionally erratic. i cried tonight at the new video ipod commercial that features u2. i screamed at minnie (the cat that thinks it lives here) today to "get the fuck off my porch, dumbass." i spilled a glass of water in the living room and laughed. and then teared up.

i've taken to transcribing metal songs to my ukulele, biting my nails, and talking to myself out loud. i've started awkwardly chuckling at things that are not funny, talking smack about people i like, and trying on every piece of clothing i own. worst of all, i've developed an intense staring problem. my patience and energy levels are zapped. i don't even find myself clever or witty to the degree that i used to.

i think the lack of sunlight is what's really getting to me. i feel like a vampire or a security guard. i miss the daytime. while there is something very comforting to me about the night, i think i need a day spent basking in the sun to revive myself. or maybe a stiff drink.


weekly crush: paul rudd. scruffy, yet nerdy. like, on conan that was on last night.

weekly 5
theme: songs i can listen to absentmindedly (because i can't seem to focus lately).

1. the postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight (give up)

2. the arcade fire - crown of love (funeral)

3. wilco - i am trying to break your heart (yankee hotel foxtrot)

4. oasis - cast no shadow ((what's the story) morning glory?)

5. imogen heap - hide and seek (speak for yourself)


this may have come off as snobby hipster music. but it's cool. right?

dear god i need some kind of stimulation.