10.03.2005yes, i am insulting your child's name.
all right, let's get down to it.
seriously, nicolas cage, i understand that you're weird and wild and everything, but what the fuck is kal-el about? i understand that it's apparently the birth name of superman, but what in the hell made you think that it is acceptable to name your child that?
i don't know if anyone who reads this remembers my whole "i'll get nicolas cage to help me out because we're tight like that" complex, but i'm seriously reconsidering him as my right-hand man because of this.
why do celebrities think that it's okay to name their kids ridiculous things? just because they have lots of money does not ensure the safety of their child on the playground.
let's have a look.
gwyneth has apple.
rachel griffiths has banjo.
arthur ashe has camera.
jamie oliver has daisy boo and poppy honey.
toni braxton has denim.
ving rhames has freedom and rainbow.
damon wayans has fuddy.
michael hutchence had heavenly hirrani tiger lily.
frank zappa had moon unit one and dweezil.
penn jillette (penn & teller) has moxie crimefighter.
jason lee has pilot inspektor.
jonathan davis has pirate.
todd rundgren has rebop.
erykah badu & andre 3000 have seven.
john mellencamp has speck wildhorse.
some of these names are downright ridiculous. camera? pirate? speck wildhorse? honestly, why in the world would you name your child moxie crimefighter? what's wrong with jane? i think that is a perfectly acceptable name. or bob. there aren't enough bobs anymore.
fuddy is going to get beat up on the playground, i assure you. denim is going to come home with emotional scars. rebop will become a social outcast, and poppy honey will develop voices inside her head. however, i'm sure they will all get over it when their parents dry their tears with a crisp benjamin, while i sit here with my normal name and wipe my financially insecure tears away with cheap kleenex. fuck that. maybe i'll change my name to lamp shade and see how that furthers my career.
i guess i owe some sort of a weekly 5.
1. stevie wonder - we can work it out (motown milestones: motown meets the beatles).
2. john prine - sweet revenge (great days - the john prine anthology).
3. no doubt - bathwater (return of saturn).
4. ll cool j - mama said knock you out (mama said knock you out).
5. journey - don't stop believin' (the essential journey).
that last one was for mr. joel mathias.
ps: nicholas cage, if you're reading this, you're still my right-hand man, because, frankly, you're the best, baby.
Comments:
You forgot Erykah Badu's son, Seven (who would be way cooler if it was 7, but it's not). They actually had a list of weird baby names in one of the Spin list issues, probably the Eminem one we read to death in study hall/t.a. hour, but possibly the Morrissey one that I read to death everywhere.
Also, if you want some reeeeeeally bad names, check out http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html
Hilarity ensues.
I promise that I won't name the love child I'm having with Dave Grohl anything stupid.
Oh, I'm blind. There's Seven. I blame the lasers during Foo Fighters set. But that's okay. Because I'm having Dave Grohl's love child.
these children are going to need LARGE SUNGLASSES to help mask their identity from the begining. i feel it's the only option as of now.
#
posted by 
:
2:09 AM
i have said this before, but it's applicable here, so i will say it again: these are toy names. TOY NAMES. it's like kids are a fashionable accessory. let's give them cute names like Coco (courtney cox) and Phinneas (Julia Roberts). I hope they realize their fashionable children won't be as easy to get rid of as their fashionable marriages. seriously. what the fuck. these aren't chihuahuas. . .they are people. GODDAMMIT.
ignore speeeling pleeze.
#
posted by :
7:19 PM
seriously, start sending these children boxes of large sunglasses. they are going to need them.
#
posted by :
9:39 PM
I don't know how you would do it, but you need to get the voicemail that Slug left you on your blog. It's so awesome, the whole world needs to hear it.
Oh I know how tight you and Nicholas Cage are, how many time we were going to call him for his help? Lol, good times!
#
posted by :
1:10 PM
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seriously, nicolas cage, i understand that you're weird and wild and everything, but what the fuck is kal-el about? i understand that it's apparently the birth name of superman, but what in the hell made you think that it is acceptable to name your child that?
i don't know if anyone who reads this remembers my whole "i'll get nicolas cage to help me out because we're tight like that" complex, but i'm seriously reconsidering him as my right-hand man because of this.
why do celebrities think that it's okay to name their kids ridiculous things? just because they have lots of money does not ensure the safety of their child on the playground.
let's have a look.
gwyneth has apple.
rachel griffiths has banjo.
arthur ashe has camera.
jamie oliver has daisy boo and poppy honey.
toni braxton has denim.
ving rhames has freedom and rainbow.
damon wayans has fuddy.
michael hutchence had heavenly hirrani tiger lily.
frank zappa had moon unit one and dweezil.
penn jillette (penn & teller) has moxie crimefighter.
jason lee has pilot inspektor.
jonathan davis has pirate.
todd rundgren has rebop.
erykah badu & andre 3000 have seven.
john mellencamp has speck wildhorse.
some of these names are downright ridiculous. camera? pirate? speck wildhorse? honestly, why in the world would you name your child moxie crimefighter? what's wrong with jane? i think that is a perfectly acceptable name. or bob. there aren't enough bobs anymore.
fuddy is going to get beat up on the playground, i assure you. denim is going to come home with emotional scars. rebop will become a social outcast, and poppy honey will develop voices inside her head. however, i'm sure they will all get over it when their parents dry their tears with a crisp benjamin, while i sit here with my normal name and wipe my financially insecure tears away with cheap kleenex. fuck that. maybe i'll change my name to lamp shade and see how that furthers my career.
i guess i owe some sort of a weekly 5.
1. stevie wonder - we can work it out (motown milestones: motown meets the beatles).
2. john prine - sweet revenge (great days - the john prine anthology).
3. no doubt - bathwater (return of saturn).
4. ll cool j - mama said knock you out (mama said knock you out).
5. journey - don't stop believin' (the essential journey).
that last one was for mr. joel mathias.
ps: nicholas cage, if you're reading this, you're still my right-hand man, because, frankly, you're the best, baby.
You forgot Erykah Badu's son, Seven (who would be way cooler if it was 7, but it's not). They actually had a list of weird baby names in one of the Spin list issues, probably the Eminem one we read to death in study hall/t.a. hour, but possibly the Morrissey one that I read to death everywhere.
Also, if you want some reeeeeeally bad names, check out http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html
Hilarity ensues.
I promise that I won't name the love child I'm having with Dave Grohl anything stupid.
Also, if you want some reeeeeeally bad names, check out http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/index.html
Hilarity ensues.
I promise that I won't name the love child I'm having with Dave Grohl anything stupid.
Oh, I'm blind. There's Seven. I blame the lasers during Foo Fighters set. But that's okay. Because I'm having Dave Grohl's love child.
these children are going to need LARGE SUNGLASSES to help mask their identity from the begining. i feel it's the only option as of now.
#
posted by :
2:09 AM
:
2:09 AM
i have said this before, but it's applicable here, so i will say it again: these are toy names. TOY NAMES. it's like kids are a fashionable accessory. let's give them cute names like Coco (courtney cox) and Phinneas (Julia Roberts). I hope they realize their fashionable children won't be as easy to get rid of as their fashionable marriages. seriously. what the fuck. these aren't chihuahuas. . .they are people. GODDAMMIT.
ignore speeeling pleeze.
ignore speeeling pleeze.
#
posted by :
7:19 PM
:
7:19 PM
seriously, start sending these children boxes of large sunglasses. they are going to need them.
#
posted by :
9:39 PM
:
9:39 PM
I don't know how you would do it, but you need to get the voicemail that Slug left you on your blog. It's so awesome, the whole world needs to hear it.
Oh I know how tight you and Nicholas Cage are, how many time we were going to call him for his help? Lol, good times!
Post a Comment
#
posted by :
1:10 PM
:
1:10 PM
older posts:
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utah.
no subject.
yah mo b there
don't see the deuce bigalow sequel.
more unneccessary blogging.
i'm gonna knock you out.
the most worthless blog entry ever.
in-vee-si-ble touch-a!
my knowledge of the greatest.
me, me, me, me, me.
utah.
no subject.
yah mo b there
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