i am a girl. yes. i like girl things like hair color and jewelry and shoes and not wearing a brown belt with a black shirt and christian bale. however, one of my big pet peeves is carrying a purse. it's rare that you see me with my cell phone and my wallet in places other than in the pockets of my pants.

so then naturally, i need pants pockets that will accommodate my cell phone, wallet, keys, cigarettes & accoutrements, et cetera. however, being a girl, this is a difficult task. mens' pants are so functional. they've got big(ger) front and back pockets, and then sometimes they've got those nice big cargo pockets. remember back when "dawson's creek" was cool, when those girl cargo jeans at the gap were popular? yeah, they gave us two extra pockets, but what the fuck fits in there? nothing. yes, i understand guys like to see every curve of a woman's lower body, but i want pants that are made for me, not pants to attract the opposite sex. if i wanted those, i would buy them from the Attract The Opposite Sex store, which exists somewhere, i'm sure. i want pants that work for me. i prefer function over fashion when it comes to my pants, thank you.

i don't want to carry a purse. guys don't, why should i? guys generally carry the same accessories i do, why should i be punished because i have a vagina? i don't want to carry a fucking purse and have to dig around for the things i carry. i just want to put them in my pants pockets like a boy would.

also, finding a pair of pants that fit you perfectly is next to impossible, no matter what your size. "hooray, they fit my waist! damn it, they're way too long." "these look great, but i can't sit down or walk or breathe." "okay, yes, i have big thighs, but my ass does not need this much room." "these are perfect length, but the waist is gigantic." i think the only way this problem will ever begin to be solved is if they start measuring girls' pants like they do guys' pants: waist x length. i feel that might bring us closer to the proverbial "perfect pair of jeans" that currently reside in the land of unicorns and leprechauns.


weekly 5+
theme: eight songs over seven minutes.

1. the white stripes - ball & biscuit (elephant)
-i think (i think) that this is my favorite white stripes song. yes. yes it is. well... yes. yes. i would still marry jack, despite his new creepy mustache and the fact that he's married and quite possibly has an incredibly pasty child on the way. this song is mind-blowingly good.

2. the beatles - i want you (she's so heavy) (abbey road)
-the thing about this song is the bass line. i don't remember another beatles song (perhaps because i've been having weird memory issues lately) that has a bitchin' bass line that sticks out as much as this one. my hat is tipped to you, sir paul.

3. jaco pastorius - the chicken (the birthday concert)
-the first time i heard this song was on a trip back to duluth from the cities. crammed in the backseat of koegel's car amidst all of pelowski's bags, i was ready to settle in for a nice road trip. pelowski excitedly tapped matt mobley on the shoulder and begged him to play that chicken song. "the chicken song?" i asked. as she tried to imitate the bass and the horns, matt sighed and pushed a tape into the player. and wow. i mean, wow. the song is too funky for words. that's why i told you my history with it. words? no. there are none. none.

4. lou reed - heroin (nyc man)
-when i was running in high school (before taking a three year and well-deserved hiatus) i would run to this song. it starts out slow, speeds up real fast, and then slows down. this is brilliant because it musically chronicles what a person would experience while doing heroin. i don't know the actual word for "being on heroin." tripping? buzzing? it's probably good that i don't know. god i'm so terrified of needles.

5. meat loaf - paradise by the dashboard light (bat out of hell)
-meat loaf is amazing. he makes it on to all these lists, like "the worst ____ song" or "the worst ____ artist." to this, i say "fuck that." meat loaf is so dramatic all the time, with his epic ten minute songs and the string section and awesome costuming. fuck you, kecia. this song rocks.

6. frank zappa - willie the pimp (hot rats)
-frank zappa is the king of bizarro rock. "willie the pimp" is the best name for a song and the best nickname ever for my step-brother. and, by the way, the riff is fucking sweet and captain beefheart's vocals are perfect. perrrrfffeeecccctttt. a special thanks to bryon "i work every goddamn weekend" colby for this song.

7. santa esmeralda - don't let me be misunderstood (kill bill vol. 1)
-i've heard about seven different versions of this song, and this one is the best, for sure. it may be really really really long, but the repetition doesn't get to me at all. i love it. enjoy, kiddies. (also, i can't find their official site, and not for lack of trying or creativity.)

8. guns 'n roses - november rain (use your illusion)
-i know this is a re-post, but that's because i know you're skimming over this. download it. please. it's just such a good song.
fuck you guys. guns 'n roses rocks. (i know barrett chase feels me on this one.)

in closing, please go see "kiss me kate" at umd. it opens this thursday (tomorrow) and runs for two weekends. some of my favorite people ever are involved, and i strongly believe in supporting starving artists.

also, i heard a rumor that al sparhawk is playing at the brewhouse and pizza luce on friday. someone needs to confirm this for me. i haven't seen sparhawk since june, and i need my fix. i'm jonesing.