(this is a gratuitous picture that will make sense by the end of the post.)

i may have only been actually on the job for a total of three and a half days, but i have learned an awful lot in this period of time. let me share these things with you to better your professional life, because believe me, they will. these will be shared in list form once again, because i'm addicted to lists.

#1: never underestimate the importance of hold music.
hold music. you know... the music you use while you put people on hold. this is very important. on average, i spend a good 40% of my day on hold, and i listen to a lot of crappy muzak. however, some random musical gems have come through to truly brighten my day. it makes my calls go so much more smoothly because the client has metaphorically "buttered me up." for example, i've heard whitney houston's "how will i know" (which, by the way, if anyone has it, hook me up), bill withers' "use me" (hell yes), the who's "squeeze box" ("in and out and in and out.." i actually bonded with a co-worker over this. a weird, weird, weird co-worker), and "as long as you love me" by the backstreet boys. that one temporarily shocked me back into seventh grade, and it was great. but the greatest one of the day today was "hold me now" by the thompson twins. luckily enough, i was on hold for long enough for me to get through half of the first verse, an entire chorus, and half of the second verse. because this call was made after 4pm, i was able to sing along with this one, and guess what! a sucessful call was made, and three people's dispositions improved. i tell you -- it makes all the difference in the world.

#2: be nice.
seriously. it seems ridiculously obvious, but i can't overstate the importance of it.
i got called a spiteful and bitterly vulgar name today. (per request of "Jesus Christ" in my previous post, i am going to withhold the name i was called, but it is not one i stand for.) i stared my supervisor down and took a smoke break to calm myself down. was there any need for that? no. no there was not. seriously.
all right, so i'm still not over this one.
and it brings me to number three.

#3: people are stupid. oh, and they're ignorant too.
this is universal. this will not only help you in your professional life, but in your personal life as well. once you come to accept this fact, you will be a lot less angry and less likely to explode.
want to hear an example?
a co-worker of mine today called someone with a very similar name to robert redford. the name was so similar that three surrounding employees (myself included) perked up and said "robert redford????"
this girl (fresh out of high school) says, "no. who's robert redford?"
we were quite surprised, so we were attempting to mention some of robert redford's movies. the sting. butch cassidy & the sundance kid. the way we were. the great gatsby. out of africa. indecent proposal. spy game. the horse whisperer. wasn't he in bridges of madison county too? man, i should know that. anyway, we mentioned all of these movies, and she stared at us blankly.
and then comes the response.
"was he in legally blonde?" she asked.

people are stupid. it happens. whatever.

coincidences happen, too. weird weird weird coincidences. if dan sarles is reading this, he'll know what i mean. if he's not... well, he'll still know what i mean... but then nobody else will... and this was pointless.... oh god i'm still so awkward...

so uh.... yes. and... okay.

so the black-eyed snakes are apparently playing in a park on friday night. legendary. and samantha scott, badass extraordinaire will be visiting this weekend. epic. the lovely and talented eric buegler will also be here. brilliant.

i should have stopped blogging about five minutes ago.